So my Ex wants to see our kid again, my kids 11. Ex is an ex addict, been to jail, never lived in the same town, his currently on the methadone program and is only 4 mths clean. He generally goes years without phone calls, my kids seen him 4 times in 5 yrs, he wants to visit where we are, for 6 nights and have my daughter stay with him during that whole time.
I'm trying to setup a consent order, get sole parental responsibility and setup supervised access. He says im not being reasonable, for wanting to put set orders in place, for saying the kid can't go with him and he has refused to sign the paperwork, I sent him to get our consent order in place.
We are now waiting on mediation but they aren't calling, for our scheduled appointments.
Should I just cut off the contact because our child doesn't know him and he'll never go to court? Or do I persist with mediation?
5 Replies
What does your kid want?
Personally I'd cut contact and let him organise mediation and court. Make him work for the relationship with the child. It will help prove if he has his act together or not.
If he takes you to court then I'd demand supervised visits and family reunification therapy. He can't just expect to have the child for 6 days when the child barely knows him! The court will take your child's feelings into account at this age.
Personally I would leave it in his court until he follows through. You have every right to not send the child for any kind of visits until this happens.
Your not being unreasonable at all. Hes put in next to no effort to maintain a realtionship with his daughter. She is now 11 and I could imagine has an opionon on whether or not she wants to stay with her dad for 6 nights. What does she want to do? I think her voice in this at this stage is valid.
But If he wants a realtionship with her now, he needs to put in the work. Beginning with regular phone calls to rebuild their communication and build it up to face to face visits.
If hes not willing to proactively proceed with anything you have organised, leave it up to him. He can organise mediation and court.
Honestly, I'd stop persisting with the mediation and court proceedings.
If he wants to go down that path let him.
Until then I wouldn't allow unsupervised visits and absolutely not spending an entire week with him, he's only 4 months clean and still in the methadone program if I read that correctly. That puts him at a higher risk of relapse and he's had basically no involvement in her life so far, he doesn't just get to waltz back in and play daddy! he's got to work at building a relationship with her, gaining your trust and proving he's a fit and capable father.
You're well within your rights to put some boundaries in place to keep her safe, both emotionally and physically.
Update I'm the original poster:
I've offered supervised access to start with and his said No.
I had no clue about the extent of his drug use, while we were dating.
I've put aside the fact he was mentally & physically abusive towards me so they could form a relationship.
He fell off the face of the earth for 2 yrs.
Fast forward to last yr, they started phone contact again and I thought it was getting better. Hed had more kids, found a nice lady.
I say yes to visits where he lives, he goes to jail 3 days before my daughters due to fly to see him.
My Daughter visited him in jail and went to see him in rehab, he had our full support at first but relapsed as soon as his parol period was over. (This counts as part of the handful of visits over 5 yrs)
I've done the play nice been supportive, given the benefit of the doubt. I Can't even Count the amount of times he just didn't show up on days he said he was coming.
So that's why I'm hesitant and unwilling to let her go stay with him.