Sisters sorry this is long but I am loosing my s**t. I have 2 daughters 6year old and 3.5yo. They do not listen. I know the younger has picked it up from the elder. I ask them or tell them or instruct them to do anything they will quite literally stare at me and keep doing what they were doing. I have tried positive reinforcement (job charts, sticker charts, books, toys, pocket money, beach trips etc) and punishment (removal if toys not cleared away, no sweets, no TV, early bed, time out, time in, smack on the bum). You name it I have tried it and nothing even makes them bat an eye. I have been consistent, I have stuck with it but still they are slowly getting worse. Tantrums etc are now becoming the norm as they slowly take more control. I am at the point where I no longer enjoy my children or want to spend time with them. I will tell them to clean their room so we can do something fun together and will even try to assist them but they still will just sit there complaining and it doesn't get done. By the time we have stretched out a 10min room tidy up to 1hour of pulling out more toys in front of me and ignoring me I am done and no longer have patience for the activity. If we do the activity first for example and I try to use the happy high energy as a chance to get some jobs done together after doesn't work either. They are not neglected and get enough attention. Even small things like shhh such and such is sleeping or I am on the phone keep your voice down, they get louder (I feel like on purpose). They speak to me and each other like crap unless they want something and this I have never done to them so they didn't get it off me. Their father sees them when he feels like it maybe one day a month for a few hours and I must note they are worse for a few days afterwards. We broke up because he was abusive and my children are now seeming to act like him even tho they were too young to really remember what he was like. My parter is wonderful man and they listen to him but even he is getting fed up with their lack of respect for me.
Help I need to gain control of these girls!
Children out of control no respect
Children out of control no respect
Posted in:
Kids
2 Replies
Every mum has been here. Seriously. I have found that breaking the habit of tantrum /defiance is the key and that takes something so good that they start to self regulate. My son for example started prep 2017... Lets just say it was a rocky start lol. Anyway, he learnt about Halloween and wanted to trick or treat. He was told one strike and he was out. The afternoon of trick and treating he threw a tantrum so his sister went without him. When he was really good the next day and wanted to go he was upset to realise it was a whole year to wait... So we found another big drawcard for a whole week of no tantrums and listening... It worked. The only difference was changing our approach to one strike and you're out and getting a goal that he REALLY wanted. Ps... Still a work in process but breaking the cycle has helped. I also tell my kids 'happy face, kind heart' as a mantra. Almost every undesirable behaviour and action is a breach of that.
I would try sitting down with your partner and miss 6 and talking about what it means to be a responsible big sister and what an important job it is to set a good example for her sister and the behavior you expect of her.
My older daughter sounds very similar to yours, very headstrong, a bit defiant and not one to blindly comply with what people ask of her - which I think will be a good trait to have as she grows up but for now is really difficult lol. Anyway, my daughter responds well to being given extra responsibility, as a natural born leader it makes her feel important and grown up and I think gives her a bit of that 'power' she craves but channeled into a positive outlet.
If I was you I'd try and think about behavior you're not willing to let slide and things that aren't worth the power struggle, your kids may feel like you're always at them about something so what's the point listening anyway! Disrespectful behavior (such as being plain rude, ignoring you when you speak) have a consequence for that and pull them up on it every single time. I feel like a time out would be best for this because eventually you'll start running out of 'things' to take off them. Things like not cleaning their room in a timely fashion, probably can be let go.
Tantrums - completely stop acknowledging them. Somewhere along the line they've learned that throwing a fit will get them what they want. Once they work out their tantrums aren't bothering anyone you'll be amazed how fast they lose interest in said tantrum.
Good luck, raising full on kids is a tough gig!