Hi ladies, my 7yo son spends time with his dad every second weekend, overnight. He has mentioned at previous times about "fighting" occurring between his dad and his dads fiancé while he is there. He has returned home this weekend and mentioned that the fiancé had put him in time out for not packing away his toys (I have no issues with this) but it sounds as though it may have set off some sort of an intense argument between the dad and the fiancé. There was a lot yelling and slamming doors between the two of the adults. Meanwhile my son said that he was upset and frightened but had no one to talk to for help. He was kept up late because of the yelling and arguing and had trouble sleeping because of it.
Bit of a back story. My sons dad and I have been separated since my son was 1.5 years old due to domestic violence (verbal, emotional and controlling. Not physical) I have had issues with his dad on and off since the separation and we keep all communication via email and text, with hand overs of our son in a public venue. There have been temporary restraining orders on the Dad, from me to him but there is no need to do that now (in my opinion)
For anyone who has been through similar experiences what do you suggest? We have final court orders but I have recently been left no choice but to involve my lawyer again due to breaches and another altercation where my sons dad took the phone from him while He was talking to me and then continued on to yell at me, in front of my son (a breach in a few points of the orders) my son was left scared by this event too and had to rely upon the fiancé to help him settle (I was obviously at home so therefore couldn't do much else).
My son has seen a Pyschologist in the past but had trouble connecting with her so only enjoyed going to play with the toys. Is it worth finding another one so they can document what he may tell them?
We have stopped visits in the past due to different reasons but I think this would not be the best option for my son as he is not great when routine is broken. I have thought about emailing the dad about how my son is feeling but the dad will deny that these things happen while he has my son in his care. I could ask for legal help on this matter but there is obviously a cost involved with that. Any genuine, helpful advice would be appreciated. Please no judgemental comments.
Thanks
3 Replies
You can put emotional and verbal abuse on to a family court order (physical too of course).. so no yelling. .. fighting.. bad mouthing other parent etc.
We already have no bad mouthing the other parent but I'll definitely look into getting emotional and verbal abuse onto the orders. Thankyou, that is very helpful.
I am the poster. Fb has brought some negative attention (as expected it may have) my son was going to a recommended psychologist which is familiar with the courts. She admitted that she can only go so far with him as she is not a specifically trained child pyschologist (she is a clinical pyschologist specialising in family) having what my son says documented through this avenue is not for my own gain or to use against the father. Unfortunately it is hard to prove that my son is being subjected to this (it would be he said she said unless my son will talk to a professional) The courts are aware of my own experiences with domestic abuse from the father but because there is no proof of it happening to my son, they don't seem to address it. I don't feel that I am a "terrible mother", only one who is seeking to some guidance to help my son through this, it is not for my gain at all. Please keep comments positive.