Feeling Torn
I have always had a few close friends rather than a large group of friends and the friends I have I absolutely treasure.
One of my closest friends I have known for a long while and our daughters are all the same ages and have grown up together and are the best of friends.
Out of the blue the other day a letter arrived in the mail from my friend (who lives only a few streets away) stating that this season in her life is over and she is starting a new season and our friendship doesn’t feature in her future. She said she is ok for our kids to remain friends but to only see each other once in a while. Apparently she has loved and valued our friendship but she has no room in her life for it now.
I attempted to find out if she was ok or what had happened bit she kept saying she just didn’t want our friendship anymore.
My kids are upset because they are missing their friends so I have explained to them that sometimes in life people will let us down, some times in small ways and other times in big ways and while we have no control over that, we can control how we react and how we respond in future when we cross paths.
One of my children struggled with rejection big time and their behaviour has taken a real dive and their need for affection and assurance has shot through the roof.
I just can’t believe that a friend can do that... one day be your closest ally and one of your childrens’ biggest encouragers and the next erase you from their lives simply because you no longer fit in their busy schedule.
I don’t really have a question - just a mum who has lost a big part of her life and feeling it.
7 Replies
Thats bizarre. It sounds like either
somethings happened and youve failed to deal with it at the time, or
shes outgrown you and sees herself in a different place with different people or
Shes going through something, a relationship, quit a habit, trying to change her life, a new leaf etc.and she doesnt think she can do it while seeing you regularly.
But it coming out of the blue,and her announcing it instead of just dropping back, thats weird. I feel for you, good friendships are so hard to find I hope she realises soon.
I've had people do this but via Facebook message instead of a letter...sometimes they later try to add me again but I always reject them.
Incredibly odd! Honestly she sounds weird!
school yard immaturity
Agree. Im wondering if this is part of a big new years resolution of change for her so shes making such a grand statement of how its going to be.
Friendships often fade away or you gradually lose contact with them but the abruptness in this is a bit odd.
I would never point blank cut a friend off like this unless they did something that I couldn't forgive or they wouldn't respect my boundaries and subtly phasing them out didn't work (I'm certainly not saying you've done anything like that - you sound pretty level headed and genuinely confused!)
Perhaps she misguidedly thought ending your friendship this way was a thoughtful way to go about it, I guess if there's anything positive here at least you know where you stand with her.
I wouldn't rule out that there may be stuff going on in her life, particularly in terms of mental health. Peculiar behavior is often a symptom of not coping emotionally/mentally - though you sound like a good friend because the first thing you mentioned was that you did check to see if she was OK!
I think all you can do is accept that sometimes people do strange things without much reason and try not to take it personally, maybe you could leave the ball in her court so she knows you care and that you'll be there if ever she needs someone (if you feel inclined of course but something tells me she's burning a few friendship bridges at the moment). Also just keep reassuring your child it's absolutely not fault!
Thanks so much for your feedback. The last thing I said was that our door was always open. Have been really missing her friendship. Life’s too short to not have good friends to celebrate its victories and come together in its hardships.
This strikes me as extremely odd but in a concerning way... I would be considering that it would be more about her than “your friendship not fitting in with he life” anymore. Top of my thoughts would be: Could she be suffering from depression? Or, Could she be in a DV situation? Both of these scenarios will see someone being isolated or withdrawing themselves :-( Keep the door open for her and check in with her every week or two. I so hope she comes around!