Im having a really hard time of it lately. The love of my life left me a few years ago.... it crushed me I vowed to never love like that again... I went to a very dark place but manged to pull myself out.......fast forward and i met someone ...fall in love... but hold a bit of myself back... go through so much not really the best relationship... we break up get back together and i feel its safe to finally give my all since weve been through so much.... then he crushes me.... im desperate for him to want me so I let him use me for physical release. Problem now is im in such a dark place....it is taking every bit of me not to end it. Im struggling and i know i cant tell anyone.... is this all that life will be... a crushed heart
3 Replies
To me, going through so much and still being together is not a sign of love. Thats a flag to me, that you broke up but you held on,thats a strange point to decide youll give everything.
Judging from how you feel now, you really should end it.
In future try finding one that isnt a roller coaster.
Ask yourself if the on again off again relationship now is a reflection on what you've experienced before. It's unfair to hold yourself back from someone who truly loves you and deserves to be loved in return.
Remember how it felt so bad when that happened a few years ago. How bleak and dark it was. How you got through it and managed to find love again. How you survived it. What's the worst that can happen if you love again? You have to do it again? Isn't the old saying it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? I'd go further and say it's better to risk a broken heart than to have to live with a dead one. Use it or lose it.
Alternatively, if this relationship unclouded from past events is a toxic one where he treats you with disrespect then fuck him off. No point in holding on and causing more pain, it makes it harder for you to trust and be open when the right person does come along.
Now. Off to the GP for a mental health plan, don't be afraid of the stigma, you'll just get meds if needed (and you don't have to take them if you're not comfortable with it, I don't) but better, you'll get someone to talk to who has the knowledge to teach you the skills to pick yourself up out of this dark place and get back in the sunshine. Happiness is the goal and with that plan it's achievable.
You need to choose one person you feel you can share these feelings with. A friend, a family member. You don’t have to share it all, just tell them you’re struggling. Just letting one person in can make all the difference. Just one person to know you may be at risk.
Once you’ve done that you have support to speak to your gp.
Lastly, take your happiness back. Your happiness, contentment, pleasure in life is yours. It’s in your hands. Take it back from those who took it from you. Don’t let someone have that much of a hold over you that they can control your happiness.
Be alone. Find you. Get yourself back together. It could take 10 years to truly be ok with you & who you are, but once you find that you’ll never put that much control in someone else’s hands again.
I’ve been single 6 years after leaving DV. I’ve never felt this good about myself & who I am before.