More of a vent but maybe also asking if I’m justified in feeing annoyed, unnerved, concerned.....
I have 3 children to my ex partner. He has no legal custody (either parental responsibility or care) of our kids as per court orders and hasn’t seen or spoken to them in years.
Every time the ex gets a new girlfriend, he attempts contact with our kids out of the blue, usually months or years between attempts. Our children are old enough to have their own opinions (all early to mid teens) and have made it clear a relationship is not wanted.
Recently the ex has had a child with the latest girlfriend and she has been very vocal taking direct swipes at me via social media and attempting to contact my family to try and speak to me about what I’m doing to him. She has never seen our kids let alone met them given they reside in another state to us (and because he was deemed to be a danger to the children by the court he was granted no physical access). Yet this stranger has posted photos of my children all over her social media.
He himself doesn’t have anything relating to our children on social media, it’s just her. He doesn’t actually make any effort for the children, it’s pretty sad really.
One of our teens has found out that their photos are being used by this woman on social media and is not happy at all & has asked me to take care of it. I’ve reported all photos but nothing has happened and honestly I am not expecting anything to happen. However, I feel that this behaviour by a woman who has never met the children is totally insane. I could understand if she had met the children and was actively involved in their lives then she would effectively be their step mother and as such justified in posting photos of them but am I wrong in feeling unnerved and concerned that a stranger is posting photos of my children all over social media pretending that these children are hers, referring to them as “her children” calling them sisters and brothers to her own children from her previous relationship? Am I wrong in thinking this is just crazy?
23 Replies
I actually know someone who did something similar (very similar situation to yours too) it was very creepy. I believe the real mother took legal action.
I'm assuming you've reported to facebook? Where is she gettingthe photos from?
I would not be OK with this either, I don't like anyone putting pictures up on FB of my kids (involved in their lives or not).
Nope she’s a nut job.
I could understand a photo on a birthday and a “happy birthday wonderful person who I haven’t met but feel a connection to” or something similar.
But she’s a whack job.
Maybe one of the kids should speak to her and just tell her the situation or something?
That is very weird! Your poor kids must feel so uncomfortable...
It might cost you, but I'd definitely get a lawyer involved. Don't contact this whack job and don't have the kids contact her, it will just escalate.
I'd also make sure she and he is blocked from all social media accounts of yours and the kids. Don't give her access to more photos of your kids etc.
I'd also change your names and the kids names on social media just to be sure. You can let your friends and family know your social media aliases privately.
These people clearly lack boundaries and I doubt very much they are the kind of people who think rationally. So it's up to you to protect yourselves and family.
Report her to Facebook and let them know that she is posting photos of other people’s children without permission.
Just no. Im angry for you.
Some new partners live in lalaaland.dont want to accept a past or that hes not a great dad. Want to act like everythings wonderful its just a problem of distance but hes an ace dad and theyre all happy families. If it was my kids I would be furious.
Stinks of parental alienation on your part.
You can't alienate him when he's not even there to alienate! Sounds more like he made his own bed on this one.
To begin with, to have got the relationship to where it is. This is all typical of what an alienator will say
I guess we're just completely overlooking that these kids basic rights to privacy and online safety are being thrown to the wind here?!?
This isn't about parental alienation, this is about a person whom is over crossing boundaries and potentially putting said kids at risk...
I see what you’re saying, he has no rights via court order but she says it’s pretty sad he has nothing to do with the kids. Not saying you are right, but it sounds like he isn’t allowed contact? It also sounds like he is reaching out to the kids as they are older now and can make their own decision.
He was a danger to the children...
Did you miss that part????
Yes even IF that is how what happened, it doesnt change that what this lady is doing is just not ok and a little bit psycho.
He was a danger to the children apparently, but then says it's sad how he has made no effort to be in the kids lives, as if the option is there. There are very manipulative people out there in the world when it comes to children, and with this one I smell a rat.
Regardless of this supposed "parental alienation" you're assuming is happening, that's completely irrelevant. This woman is obviously taking these photos from someone else's profile (because I doubt the OP is willingly giving them to her), then posting them to her own profile, that alone is weird and crossing a line. The kids want it to stop, that should be what matters here, if you were in these kids shoes wouldn't you be a bit creeped out and possibly a bit frightened that some loony is posting photos of you acting like they know you?
I wasn't even referring to the photos at all, but if I hadn't seen my kids in years I would be taking what I could as far as photos go. How does she and her children know that this woman is posting photos of them? How did they get the photos? It sounds to me as though they have mutual friends and she is keeping tabs on them. The exes new girlfriend may know this and is obviously trying to make the kids feel included in their new siblings life, agreed the wrong way but if all other avenues have been tried and failed then I guess people get left with desperate attempts.
Fuck off with your parent alienation theory! All women are liars right? We tell the kids to lie? We manipulate the courts? We keep kids from their dads? What a load of crap!
This is why women and children are hurt or killed at the hands of your so called ‘good dad’ in this country. Stop denying this shit! This IM went to court, and to get that far, and to be granted court orders due to her ex’s violence, well that is very telling don’t you think?!?
Yes, because our court system is very fair and never makes mistakes. I never called him a 'good dad'. My ex was violent too and has ended up turning my own children against me. This is why I see through it all so easily I guess, I know the lies and how horrifying they make the ex partner be when they resort to crazy measures to see their kids. There are big gaps in this story.
The OP states that he has no visitation, not even supervised, and has had parental responsibility removed - this is almost unheard of in Australia and would be very difficult to obtain. I’d say he’d have to have done some really very bad things for a magistrate to allow this.
If that were the case, wouldn’t she be glad he has nothing to do with them?
I read it as the OP is glad he's not involved for safety reasons but is sad the kids are missing out on a relationship with their father due to his choices and behavior, I think most mums in this situation would understand how conflicting this feels...
But, all that is still not relevant!
What the new girlfriend is doing is not appropriate, they aren't her kids and she's never even bloody met them! It makes the kids uncomfortable and if they're teenagers it probably makes them embarrassed too but apparently this uninvolved father and his girlfriend have more rights than the kids to some of you and that is ridiculous!