Morning IMs
Anyone else's partner abit damaged from the past?
A bit of background:
My partner of 2 years was cheated on continually on his previous 5 year relationship which has left him damaged... I knew from the start of his issue.. and he is perfect in every other way.
But his jealously/paranoia causes fights at times..
We are honest to each other in our relationship and he asked me questions about my past (he knows most of it) and when I told him the answer he got jealous... I explained to him that, the ex of mine was coming into town to visit a mutual friend of mine and he assumed that the ex was coming to see me because he was travelling from the other side of the country I haven't had contact with this ex in 8years
I got upset and walked away and after we had calmed down he came in and apologised for his assumptions.
It's hard to deal with sometimes... this one small issue becomes a big one during fights... I'm not going to leave him he's amazing in every other way... has anyone had a similar experience? Would counselling for him help him get over his issue?
Thank you x
4 Replies
He absolutely could benefit from counselling. You will also need to learn not to enable/reinforce his anxieties. It's very easy to modify your friendships/relationships/behaviour in order to make life easier for him. All that ends up happening is you find yourself more and more controlled and unable to live a normal life.
So you'll need to be on your toes and mentally strong to not let this happen.
Look honestly you cant change yourself and put up with abusive behaviours because of a sad story. Its the same reason everybody puts up with it.
Ive had a bad past but I wont be getting into a relationship until it feels right and he may need to reassure me but I wont bust the crazy because I dont want a relationship like that. Its why i left the last one.
Check his story if you can its posssible he was the same to the last gf and hence his belief she cheated left right and centre.
He might need counselling but he also needs to make it the relationship he wants to be in and you need do as well. Controlling behaviour, accusations and distrust is not acceptable.
Have confirmed with a few people one of them
Being his sister who is close to his ex, she confirmed that the ex was cheating on him both physically and emotionally over internet chat sites
Thank you for your advice 😊
Counselling will Be the start
Counselling would be hugely beneficial but only if he can recognize this is an issue and wants to put in the effort to change his outlook. He needs to understand that continuing down this path of suspicion and paranoia will be the catalyst in any relationship he tries to pursue. Him seeking counseling because you tell him to won't help but him choosing to go because he wants to will make all the difference I believe.
I agree with the above mention of not enabling him, he's been previously hurt - that's terribly unfortunate but that does not give him the right to punish you for it and nor should you make excuses for him lashing out or treating you with unjustified mistrust, he knows that's not OK and you know it's not OK so don't let it slide because of his past.
I definitely think this is something that can be worked through though and I wish you guys luck going forward.