Hey IM's,
So I'm after opinions/advice please..
My partner myself and our kids obviously all live together. I asked my partner earlier that when we move house, that we just have us there. We've always had 'strays' come stay with us (his friends). The first guy was with us for a few months about 2 years ago. And after an incident I asked him to leave. We have very little to do with him anymore. Now we have his friend who was homeless before we took him in. Initially I was all for it as I wouldn't wish homelessness on anyone and we had a spare room and were in a position to help. However, he has now been with us on and off for about a year and my eldest child and him clash. The friend speaks out of line at times and tries to parent my kids and it drives me insane! He's great with helping and does the lawns etc as his way of helping contribute as he's unable to financially. But he does buy dinner on occasion and helps with some household jobs. My problem is more so about him trying to parent my kids and stirring them up then wondering why they back chat or tell him to be quiet. I was telling my kids that he's just trying to help me etc and to ignore him, walk away and so on but I swear he revs them up so they get in trouble so I stopped. I said to my partner that when we move I don't want anyone staying with us and he said "well you know I can't agree to that".. umm what? Why not let one of his other friends help out? Why does it always have to be us? It messes with the dynamics and I'm so over being a half way house for people who pretty much refuse to better their lives. It's our job to raise our kids not bloody house freeloaders. Am I being unreasonable and selfish? Should I suck it up and let him stay? Or should I put my foot down and say "enough"? We can only do so much and the rest is up to them and I feel we've helped all we can. This man is a decent enough kind of guy apart from the kid clash thing so should I or my partner maybe have a chat and set some boundaries? Or am I within my right to say if he doesn't leave I will? I need to know if I'm being a hypochondriac or if it's reasonable lol
Thanks for reading if you got this far.
Home vs 'half way house' so to speak...
Home vs 'half way house' so to speak...
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
Not unreasonable. Expecting to have people live in your family home is really unreasonable. Add to that that its a financial burden and becomes not your familys safe place for your children... that cant go on.
Thank you! I said to my partner that our house is our kids home not his friends home. Hopefully someone else can have him stay until he gets his super or disability pension from Centrelink. I still feel bad though but my kids come first and I think my feelings about this are justified.
I took in my mother in law and her 5 kids (yes, 5 lol) all 6 of them stuffed into my spare room. It was meant to be a few weeks - it turned into nearly 2 years in total, even when she finally moved out she still waltzed in like she still lived there. I basically said the same as you, either they leave or I will. It's too much (thank god she moved states, haven't seen her for years. Heaven! haha!)
I'd never do it again, I'm all for helping people out but to be frank your partner sounds like he's easily taken advantage of, and you have to be really careful who you allow into your home when you've got kids.
This would be a breaking point for me too.
Wow! And I'm complaining about one person lol I don't know how you did that for 2 years. My mum came to stay for the weekend and we had to give up our room for her because the spare room was occupied and i wasnt having her sleep on the couch or in the loungeroom in general. I dont mind giving up my room for our parents but we should not have to. I was so annoyed because the room should have been available for her to use.. It's really becoming an issue especially when we have our family come over to stay. Which isn't very often. I hadn't seen my mother in a year!
I don't know how I'm still sane honestly haha! One person is still a huge burden on you though so your frustrations are totally valid, your home is your sanctuary. You should be able to relax in your home, walk around in your undies scratching your butt if you want or have your guest room available for guests!
The fact that it's affecting your children and your convenience would be enough to put my foot down (it was the same in my situation - it was affecting my children negatively so that was it. I was done).
It's great to help people out but the priority should always be to your own family first - I think that's what your partner is not grasping. Having all his stray mates move in and come and go isn't viable or fair to everyone else.
I hope you guys can find a solution!
Your partner is being unreasonable
I'd put my foot down. This is your children's home!! Why should they be left feeling uncomfortable/getting in trouble etc because your partner wants his friends staying when they are homeless....why is a grown man homeless for as long as you've had him stay on and off anyway?
A family home is a safe place. Not a charity for adults who can't get their shit together. It's good to be a kind person, but when it starts to effect your family, partner etc you HAVE to draw the line.
I’m sorry but there comes a time when enough is enough. I’m all for helping people get back on their feet and sorting their lives out but this person has been living with you for a year! That has gone beyond trying to get ahead and is now taking advantage of your kindness. I’ve been in your situation and let a friend stay for what was supposed to only be a couple weeks. Those few weeks turned into 2 years! There will always be people who will ruin your generosity for others. I will never feel comfortable offering anyone my couch/spare room again because of the last person. That is partly my fault because I hate arguments and confrontation I let the situation go longer than it should and subtly dropped hints were ignored. Good luck x