So my husband is a gamer. I had no idea until we brought our first house, then the computer came back from him mums and it started.
That was three years ago, we have since had another child and are expecting a third (my third, his second). So we have a household with 2 almost 3 young kids.
On the weekends and evenings he spends hours on computer. All afternoon, until midnight sometimes. When I mention him spending time with the kids while I get a break he goes off about him having to work and this is his downtown.
Meanwhile, when do I get downtime?
We are constantly fighting about it, he swears he will change but it doesn’t happen.
He has never taken the boys to the park on his own, he will play with them for 10 min then go back to gaming. One time, I went to the shops and came home, he was gaming and the kids were out the back doing whatever.
I am sick to death of it.
We also have huge issues with his parenting towards my eldest child (almost 5).
I’m honestly at my wits end. Am I being selfish?? Is he entitled to game all afternoon because he works and I don’t? (Mind you, I have my own business and never get time to work on it because I’m watching the kids).
How do I get it through his head?
11 Replies
Why would you have one let alone another child with this man? Treats his non bio child badly? You deserve better, you know it, get your ducks in a row to leave. Probably best to stay until you are settled with new baby, try to take care of yourself, don’t engage in any fights with him and stress yourself out, you need love and support in pregnancy, not this man child! Once you decide you are leaving, make plans to make it happen, you won’t get so wound up about everything. Please take care of your mental health and seek family support when the time comes to leave, you need those who love and support you around you with new baby. Good luck and all the best.
Yeh this is not on. I think leaving is a little dramatic at this point. I would try and negotiate acceptable times in which he can game. Prehaps suggest 3 nights a week once kids are in bed and for x amount of hours on the weekend. You definitely should not be settling for his current gaming habbit. If he won't compromise and change, I'd highly consider leaving. Make it very clear its unacceptable and you will leave if he does not change.
Gamers see nothing wrong with gaming all the time. My ex always had the same argument with me. It was his "down time" the only problem was that we worked the same job, same amount of hours just opposite shifts and I wasn't entitled to down time unless the kids were in bed. I'd go to work and come home and the house would still be a pig sty. Dishes still in the sink, kids hadn't eaten, no washing done etc house work, kids, care taking, shopping, yard work all fell on me whilst he worked 40 hours and did nothing else but game. Always promised he'd change, was violent and abusive, broke the dishes when he'd had enough of me nagging him to do them so he could throw them away instead of washing them etc my advice is to leave only because I've been there and I couldn't change him and I certainly shouldn't have put up with it as long as I did. Personally I'd stop cooking for him and only cook for you and the kids. Pretend he doesn't exist and see how he feels and what he says. When he complains about you not doing anything for him etc he may change he may not. But it's not worth putting up with it for years and practically being a single parent with an adult man child who's quite capable to be a part of the family but chooses not to be.
My husband is a gamer and it has caused issues over the years. I used to be in tears because he never helped so he'd vow to stop and then he'd gradually play more and more until I was in tears again.. when our first was about one I forced him to sit down with me and we worked out a compromise because I wasn't coping. He now only plays it during the week once the kids have gone to bed. On weekends he's on it more than I like but the rule is the computer room door has to stay open so he can't really say no when the kids go in and ask him to do stuff with them. I've also worked it in my favour - on a Friday/Saturday night when he'll stay up to early hours playing he's on kid duty. This was awesome when they were newborns - I'd have expressed milk in the fridge for him to give them and it gave me a couple more solid hours sleep.
I hope you can work out something between the two of you
Nope. The amount of time required is just not possible with kids. And its such a strain always having to set time limits and beg him to be involved when he just wants to go. Too frustrating for me it would be in the bin. Espevially as you didnt marry a gamer he pulled that fact out afterwards
You both have to set restrictions and boundaries. It puts way too much strain on a relationship and the kid's realtionship with their father.
I have seen marriages end because of gaming. You need, like others say, set tight restrictions, leave or get marriage counsilling.
Omg all these man babies playing their bloody games! No it’s not acceptable to disconnect from your family, and not do anything around the house, or spend time with your kids! It’s an addiction just like any other addiction. Tell him to kick the habit or fuck off
different perspective here. im married with a child and im a gamer!! do i think that it equals that of an ice addict no not even close. its all about balance. i play when my son is asleep. i still manage to spend time looking after my child , doing household chores etc you need to conmunicate as nd prioritise. itvis not equal to a drig addict at all.
Gaming was one of the main reasons my relation ship with my ex ended. Constantly choose gaming over family ( we had 3 young kids) it got to the point the kids wouldn’t try to talk to him & his response was “ I wish you would all fuck off & let me game!” To a 3 year old- wish granted I haven’t looked back and he has his games to keep him company
This guy is an absolute jerk!! Self absorbed, inconsiderate and obviously incapable of changing & prioritising properly!! You will not get it through his head, stop beating your own head against what is just a thick, brick-wall retarded mentality of self-entitlement & addiction. Get out NOW, he sounds like my @#$% of a husband who has played me like this for way too many yrs & I have an 18yo son who is Just like him too, they both scorn & disrespect me & are constantly on their screens &/or play together on the PCs, my girls & I are left out & occupy ourselves, this husband also refuses to be mature & cooperative & communicative with me - as a fellow human being / adult / partner / parent!! This is Not a life or relationship that is any good for one's wellbeing at all.