Ok so i have been sitting on this for 8 months now.. my ex who doesnt see his kids (show dad i finally put my foot down and said no more and eldest wants nothing to do with him) it been 5 years now...
He and his partner have recently had a baby do i upset my kids and tell them or do i keep my mouth shut and wait for them to want to talk to him????????
My eldest has anger issues and finds it hard to cope sometimes (odd,adhd and just typical pre teen boy) the last time he saw his father he yelled at him saying he doesnt deserve to have a family kids a car anything in life he was 7.. now i never bad mouth my ex but boy i could but never would around my kids my son said this himself...
Now his younger brother is a go with the flow type of kid and says to me when he sees his father he owes 5 years of backdated bday chrissy amd Easter pressies othereise he wont talk to him i have told him it doesnt work like that...
So i guess my question is do i tell them and stir the pot which i dont want to do he is a horroble person or wait till they are older and better abled to handle this???
Please no judgment i did NOT stop my ex seeing his kids on my benefit i said no more for my kids mental health.... 2 months on and a year off is not a dad.......
5 Replies
If they never see there dad ever, no I wouldn't say anything.
As hard as it will be, I think I'd tell them. Sometimes as a parent we have to tell our kids uncomfortable truths, I think as they get older they'll appreciate your honesty.
That said, you're their mum. You know what's best.
Good luck hun.
I guess you need to consider that they’re probably going to find out at some stage. If they find out in say 15years and they also find out that you knew all along, do you think they’ll be angry that you didn’t tell them? I personally think there is a good chance they will be and it could very much damage your relationship and bond with them if they are.
I think I’d tell them to make sure there are no secrets or huge shocks in years to come and to save the compounded hurt that has the potential to cause them. Maybe speak to a child psych or counselling in order to get advice on the best way to let them know while also causing the least amount of hurt to them.
I think that if you decide not to tell then you should write a letter to each child explaining your worries and thought process behind your decision, etc and then file it away somewhere safe. I think down the track if your children ever ask why you didn’t tell them or react badly you can hand them the letter. It won’t magically fix it but I think it would go a long way.
Not your place to tell them. It will only upset your kids, is that what you want? Go see a counselor to ensure you are working through your feelings, and not creating more issues with your kids. It is hard not to say things in front of kids about a dead beat dad, but it’s still their dad, half of them is made of him, so maybe talk about all the good kind parts of their dad that is inside of them, again, a good therapist will help you to overcome your anger/hurt/sadness