Behaviour traits in 19 month old...
I have a 19 month old whom I find quite challenging. She is very intelligent (excellent language skills and has been developmentally assessed as meeting the mark for a 2 year old). She is also very defiant and is mostly unwilling to do what she's asked unless it's her idea (not out of character for a toddler, I understand)
My main issue is that I can't seem to get her to appreciate the difference between 'hey kiddo, Mum would prefer if you didn't do that' and 'holy feck don't do that you're going to kill yourself!'
For example, if we are walking around the shops together (If she wants to walk I'd like to encourage that independence), she then proceeds to run away from me. She doesn't generally fear strangers and is ok with being separated from me. I try and use a strong tone and even a snarly voice to say 'hey, that's dangerous come back here', but she just laughs and tries to hide from me.
I get similar reactions when she is doing dangerous things around the house such as climbing and jumping off couches etc.
How do i get it through to her that I mean business? Am I expecting too much of her behaviourally for her age because she's advanced elsewhere? Any ideas for keeping kidlets by your side and not running off (I've tried a leash and she just dropped to the ground and screamed because she knew she was being restrained)...
Toddler discipline
Toddler discipline
Posted in:
Baby & Toddler, Kids
8 Replies
This is a phase which pretty much every child goes through in the toddler years. They love this game! She either holds a hand or goes in the trolley or stroller, end of story.
She won't get it over night but given the two options and being consistent she will.
This is just normal child behaviour. Even my three year old doesn’t care if jumping off the window sill gives him a terrible black eye, he still does it.
I think you are expecting a bit much. Kids find it hard to control their impulses at this age (and for some time after!). Here's what you can do:
Be consistent with the hand holding rules. Hold hands near cars, hold hands anywhere where she could run and disappear easily. Reinforce it: "Hold hands near cars!" "Hold hands in shops." If she won't hold hands she goes in the pram or trolley. Try to confine outings which require her cooperation to mornings (I found my daughter to be more cooperative in the morning). Make a big deal of times where she CAN run off (take her to a fenced park or something where she can have independence). Play Stop and Go (or Red Light Green Light) with her so she knows how to listen to the word.
You can encourage her to climb and jump SAFELY. Try Gymbaroo or even find some age-appropriate climbing stuff for home. The rule is climbing only on the equipment.
Try to not make your explanations too wordy. If she takes off, say her name and the word STOP! If she's climbing the couches, say "couches are for sitting" and sit her down with you.
Hope this helps.
She is 19 months old! If she is still doing this at 4 or 5 then I'd be worried! Sounds very normal to me. Your expectations are too high at this point in time.
Vocabulary and language have very little to do with their comprehension. To put it simply - she doesn't understand what you're saying to her it's not defiance she's just too little to get it, it's all just a big fun game.
A simple "NO" and putting her back in the pram will help her understand the running off issue, toddlers really just don't have the capacity to reason with you, you can have a lengthy discussion about why things are dangerous and you'll see them do the same thing 5 minutes later because they took none of it in lol.
Just be consistent with the firm NO (don't waffle on about what she did wrong etc, she's not listening anyway) and move her away from the dangerous activity, use distractions and I used to use a portacot at this age (at home obviously). If they continued to do the dangerous/naughty thing they'd get a few minutes in portacot. They soon learnt what earnt them a portacot timeout.
Personally, I think safety is more important than independence at 19 months. If she won't stay by your side (honestly, I don't know many 19 month olds that would) then she needs to be restrained in a pram or trolley, harness, carrier etc. She may not like it but it's better than the alternative.
Yep, sorry, age appropriate behaviour. I've got some very bright kiddos too, they can be a right pain in the butt at times. Until they understood my boundaries I always took a stroller shopping. They got three warnings then into the stroller/trolley/cot/timeout. If misbehavior continued I have been known to pick up children/child and leave the shopping behind. This then means we have a very plain dinner that night because I couldn't get the shopping done that day (plate of steamed peas, carrot and corn.) On the upside, they pick up quickly the correlation between their behaviour and the consequences, good or bad.
We are struggling with Miss 4 at the moment being socially/emotionally ready for Kindy next year, but in all other areas keeping up with kids 2 or 3 years older than her. School wants her to start early but we really feel she needs to take another year to be a kid and learn the social side of life.
Oh and my kids have great comprehension of vocab and language. We've always used 'big words' and explain ourselves when necessary. It's just another joy of having cleaver kiddos. Don't ever let anyone stop you from using big words to kids. They learn through hearing and seeing. If they never hear 'big words' they will never learn them.
My eldest son was advanced in This way also..he was also very tall for his age so everyone expected More from him but emotionally he wasn't as advanced as his intelligence..I had to stop myself from putting higher expectations on him and was always telling people his age because of other people's expectations...he was also stubborn at times. The good thing is she can express herself verbally but she's still a toddler so hang in there..:)