Hi Sisterhood.
My 6 year old son is near to completing his first year of school. Unfortunately for most of the year we've been having trouble with one 'friend' I use the term friend because despite the issue's he's been having the Teacher's continue to encourage my son to play fair and include this other child in their play. The friend in question is very physical he hits the other boys hard on the bottom over and over again even when the other children say "stop, stop I don't like it" (school asks the kids to say this when they're uncomfortable with something someone is saying or doing to them before seeking help from a teacher) the boy also kicks the boys in their private parts and has even put his hands around their throats. These are the extreme behaviors on top of more typical but still not OK behavior like wrestling, name calling, slapping, punching, lying etc. Now I've spoken to the class teacher who's aware of it and has witnessed some of the listed behaviors and she's reinstated the school rules to the whole class about hands to self using your words etc etc. The problem is it's nearing the end of term 4 and I feel it's just reached next level as on the weekend at my sons
Sport session (that this child also attends) The kids were running around playing in a big group before the game started the ages of the kids varied from 4-8 and everyone was just running up a small hill and rolling down so nothing physical. My 5 year old daughter was standing waiting to go down when the boy just ran up to her and pushed her very hard in the back making her fall over. She got quite upset and was obviously hurt and she just bawled her eyes out. He did it for zero reason???? Worst part he's mother was sitting next to me saw the whole thing and didn't discipline him at all and didn't even make him apologize. I scooped up my daughter and told him off as calmly as I could manage as I just wanted to lose it at him. As I was sitting comforting my daughter he's mum turned to her and said "Sometimes boys hurt girls, get used to it!" I couldn't believe it as this is the polar opposite to how I'm bringing up both my daughter and son. Am I overreacting thinking that is not how you deal with your son hurting someone else's child right in front of your eyes? I guess what I'm asking is what do I do? The way the school seems to be dealing with it in my view is they're telling this kid and my kid it's OK to be an arsehole because you still get to play with your mates and do or say whatever you want because you can get away with it.
I have another meeting with the class teacher where I plan on saying enough is enough and demanding they're not in the same class next year but I worry as my daughter will be at the school next year too and if this kid is allowed to get away with pushing and hurting girls and kids when He's mother is around when will it stop! do I have to go through all next year worrying about both my children and this 6 year old bully, will he get worst?
Bully
Bully
Posted in:
Kids
4 Replies
Um, I can't even imagine telling a mum to get used to it after my child had hurt theirs, accident or not. That to me shows what kind of parenting he's getting. At first a I was going to say maybe he's just rougher not as an excuse but he will need to learn to care for others and be more aware of others, but it doesn't sound like its on the agenda.
I understand the teacher is not allowed to reinforce separating, because all kids go through these things everyday it would be a nightmare if they were allowed to carry it through to the classroom, BUT every child is entitled to safety and every child is entitled to choose their friends. So you can tell your child he does not have to play with him at break time, but that doesn't mean he's not friends, he still has to be nice and work together in class.
The stop I don't like it is usually part of a step process or choices, so kids can say stop, or move away, find another activity, tell the the teacher etc, so let the teacher know it's beyond your son saying stop and he needs to be allowed to use other strategies for his own safety and he should not have to wait for this child to hurt him each day before he's allowed to keep himself safe.
Unfortunately the school won't take the incident that happened outside of school hours into consideration, because, well, it happened outside school (as frustrating as that is).
I have demanded my daughter be placed in a separate class to her bully next year too, very similar situation to yours - just with emotional abuse rather than predominantly physical, teachers "deal" with it in a half arsed way to the whole class to avoid 'singling' this child out, the parents are wildly ignorant about their kid (they've even turned it back on the victims many times, I actually got contacted on facebook by the mother saying my daughter was the bully 😠).
Anyway, I'm hoping this solves our issues.
In future I wouldn't hesitate to tell this child off if you witness him getting physical with your kids and I'd flat out say to the mother 'if your boy lays a hand on my kids again, we're going to have a problem'.
Firstly, I don’t believe a 6 year old prep child has the mental understanding/development to target an individual child and be a “bully”, that comes in later years. The word bullying is greatly overused. There is a difference between purposefully targeting an individual to taunt or hurt them, and not having an understanding of boundaries and hurting all those around you.
However, being a teacher myself, I have a process I follow. If I was this child’s teacher I would log incident reports for every incident said child has done, then I find strategies to make play time enjoyable for all. For example, at play time I have this child and say your child, play in separate areas of the playground. One in sandpit, one on the oval. Next, I also ask them WHO they’ll be playing with at lunch as they’re not to play together. LAstly, there is a set of classroom promises we created as a class and read them EVERY recess and lunch to remind students of appropriate behaviour.
If your teacher is being unhelpful, I would speak with the principal and request your son be in a Different class next year for safety purposes. They have to take that on board.
If your principal is not being helpful. Speak with the education department. Personally my first step would be a parent meeting with the principal AND classroom teacher as well as any other relevant leadership such as a leading teacher or school psych.
I should also add that there’s a 3 strike policy. We teach something (eg hands to yourself), breach one occurs, we reteach the same thing(hands to yourself), third time they go straight to leadership and spend the rest of the session, wether it be classroom or playtime session, inside the office. Each minor warning is a minor incident and the final warning is flagged as a major and leadership/parent contact is required. This refreshes EVERY session. So if they got 2 strikes at recess, when they come in, they’re back to no strikes.