As much as I love this kid he is really starting to do my bloody head in!
It's getting to the point where my two boys (5 & 2 yrs old) are actually becoming scared of him. When he approaches my 2 yr old he runs to me for protection. But the issue is more with him and my 5 year old. He is constantly being pushed, screamed at right in the face for no apparent reason, they will literally walk through the front door when visiting and he instantly gets all up in my boys face, he throws things at him, always wants what my boy has and expects it to be handed over straight away, tantrums, has urinated in the house on the floor (is toilet trained)
I've even been hurt by this kid due to him simply not settling down when I've ask him too (being poked in the eye) or retaliation when I tell him to not hit my boy (he ends up giving me a sneaky jab)
Also hits and pulls on my dogs tail to the point where im actually scared the dog will snap at him. I tell him to leave the dog alone or he might get bitten. No fu*ks given. So i move the dog inside to have some space.
I know just because me and his mum are friends doesnt mean the kids have to be and in all honesty Ive stopped encouraging it like I used to.
I tell my 5 yr old he can play with one of the other kids(siblings) or ill set him up a fun activity to do by himself/ with me.
His parents are AMAZING and are doing all the right things, being persistent with discipline, tried every approach under the sun. Gentle parenting/hard parenting/diet change, reward chart and EVERYTHING else. His mum is even seeking psychological help for him as she is well aware of these issues. But she doesn't always see the things he is doing because she has her hands full with a 7 month old (issues were around before new bub)
I think I just need some helpful advide from other mums who have troubled kids or who are in my position.
When this boy has hit my child I tell him not to and he screams at me/screws up his face and storms off. What is the right thing to do when this happens?
Some days I litterally want to slap him across the face 😭😭😭 he is hurting my babies and I somehow need to get it through to him that i am not to be messed with and he has no right to put his hands on another child. He has 0 respect and seems extremely spiteful most days.
Once again this boy is like family and I am aware these things he might not be able to help. That last bit was a bit or a rant. I feel so judgmental right now, I just need advice please! 😭😭😭
5 Replies
Time to tell the mum the only time he can come over is when she comes with him. Honestly I wouldn't have someone in my house that scared my kids. It's why I got rid of my ex. He may be just a child but even ADHD and Autism children should not be allowed to get away with that stuff. I should know I have 2 on the spectrum. Just today my 8 year old attacked his younger sister because she stole his toy. I made her give it back and I made him apologise. I then separated them. You need to do what works for your family. Not just take him because he's like family. If it was me I'd smack him on the butt and make him see what he's doing to the others is not ok. Sometimes talking just does not work. His mum needs to see about getting him assessed and for him to see a kids psych.,
I totally get you, it's hard and sounds like you and mum are both on the same page and doing what you can.
Can you talk to mum and ask her what you should do in that situation while mums busy? I guess you need to sit down between them to make sure your child isn't hurt. Can you help with the baby so she can deal with him.
You are right, you need to do something, letting him shout and hurt your child is not ok for your child at all. Perhaps you need to enforce a distance rule, so he's not to go in your sons bubble at all, whether doing something or not. Make it a rule for everyone, and give gentle reminders and praise when it's not happening.
Im a mum to a severely autistic son.
Your absolute first priority should be to YOUR children. So if your children are being harmed then end of story. No more plsydates.
Play dates should only be allowed if the parents or carer that is familiar with the child's behaviour intervention plan can actually supervise the child. So if mums too busy with a 7month old she needs to be giving you the details of the behaviour plan. Ask for it outright before the next play date. Say to mum 'I want to support you the best I can, can you fill me in on the advice given by the psychologist so I can make sure I'm consistent'.
But your kids come 1st!
“He’s like family”... but he’s not actually family. Your priority is your children - it’s sad/scary/terrible/insert whatever feeling you like here about what your friend is dealing with and it sounds like they are great people and great parents, however, all of that is irrelevant. It’s time to put a stop to the children being together in any capacity. You can still support your friend over the phone or when you’re kid free but it’s not fair to your children to knowingly keep putting them into situations which are scary and always negative for them.
Mum needs to supervise him when he’s around other kids. It’s that simple, and yes it’s hard work but it’s what we do to keep everyone safe, and to maintain relationships.
Speak to Mum and ask what you can to do help, explain how it impacts your kids. The truth might hurt, but it will (hopefully) force his parents into doing more, seeking more professional help, etc.