I’m pretty sure my step daughters mother is working and not declaring her income. Trouble is, even with the $140 a week child support she’s paid (I realise it costs more than this to raise a child) my partner is still contacted for more money. New uniforms, school camps, school sports etc. she has earned income in the past by doing “body shop parties” (not specifically, this is an example) my partner was asked for $200 just last week and we just didn’t have it spare. I felt so horrible and almost asked my parents for a loan. She retaliated by not answering her phone for 6 days so my partner had no contact with his own child. As far as I’m aware there’s no financial struggling, they live in very nice house with a 2016 model 4wd, are building their own home and she hasn’t needed to work for the past 6 years. In every other aspect they co-parent amazingly but just when it comes to this stuff. She’s happy to “go halves” or ask for the full amount to be paid by him but when it comes to the amount of care a week, 4 nights a fortnight is “too much time” to be spending with her father.
I guess what my question is, if she is working do we say something? Do we leave it and let her make her own bed? Do we let her play us as fools? I know I’m saying “us” my partner and I are a team and she is getting paid this extra money out of our joint account and my partners a package deal. I’m not writing this with malice or jealousy I’m honestly just curious and lost on what to do. I feel like she has no respect for us and is just using my partner to foot the bill sometimes.
I’m genuinely curious as to where to go from here or if anyone has any advice on this kind of thing?
9 Replies
I feel like if shes working for body shop or something like that shes probably not earning all that much cash money, so i wouldnt worry. I think your main issue is the asking for extra all the time.
i think you need to ask her for a budget and whats coming up term by term so that you can plan, and say sorry no for anything last minute, but offer if shes struggling to send the child to you.
of course i dont mean to do this maliciously but it sounds like youre reasonable enough not to.
also remember payments and visits are seperate. Go for more time if you want it and feel its right.
Best answer!
If u think she is earning money from party plan stuff you are probably over estimating what she earns. Most people are lucky to cover costs on those things.
yoj are entitled to say no to paying extra.
Aw I feel your pain! I am a step mamma to two beautiful kids and the ex is a money monster! We always pay over and above our child support but it’s a similar deal. If she wants more money, contact is cut until she gets it. We don’t have court orders in place and just have to grin and bear it. That being said, it has gotten better with time because we have agreed to a set amount on top of child support. This helped because a) we can budget for it, and b) she can’t get mad wanting more because she agreed to it. I don’t really have any advice except maybe look into getting some court orders in place so contact isn’t dependent on her mood.
If she were really struggling, on her own, needing the extra, I would give it....but, I'm assuming she has a partner....building a new place and the latest car....nope sorry, I would just give her child support. You are doing right by her and sounds like she is taking advantage. I get less than that, am a single mum and never ask for extra, like ever.
Its not up to the Mum to decide if its too much time with her father. Go to mediation and go for 50/50. By the sounds of it child support would drop to nothing or close to it, then tell her you will happily go halves in the other stuff.
And this is WHY subgle mums get labeled as money hungry! She’s not being very fair. Asking is one thing but then expecting & denying contact when you say no is another. Her Dad is paying child support then some & she’s got a new car & having a house built. I’d be offering to pay 50/50 but not much more than that. I wouldn’t worry about the small amount of money she makes on the side but she also can’t expect you to keep paying at her whim. My kids Dad pays for nothing...never even bought a pair of shoes for our 3 kids. He has absolutely no idea the costs in raising his kids & he’s oblivious to my expenses but you can’t say that in this situation. If Dad wants more time I’d push for mediation & time spent with the child isn’t related to money...otherwise my kids wouldn’t see their Dad.
I dont know about the financial child supoort side of things. But not answering her phone for six days so children and Dad cannot chat, is selfish and disgusting. For the children's emotional safety, see what services you can use to stop that shit from happening. The children and father must have contact on weekends/weakdays together, throughout the week etc and it's court ordered (or whatever is needed to secure communication). Irregardless of the finances.
Maybe her new partner refuses to finacially support the child.
And if shes only working those body shop type parties i doubt making much extra.
The withholding the child until she gets her own way is quite disgusting. Personally, I think $140 would cover a good chunk of all these "extras".
When it comes to sports, excursions, school uniforms you kind of know about it a fair bit in advance so there is really no reason for her to suddenly need $200 without any prior warning.
I think the only way to resolve this is going to mediation.