My older sister is getting married next year. All of my siblings are in the bridal party including myself, my husband and my kids (husband and I are the only ones in the family with kids).
We have just been told that we aren't invited to the reception because they want it to be children free (Was not said in a nasty way).
I admit I am a little shocked. I only managed to say "oh okay" because I just honestly didn't know what to say. No conversation of kids being/not being at the wedding have taken place, but considering we are all in the bridal party, the thought didn't even enter my head.
I have a good relationship with my sister and we talk often and freely.
How would you approach this? We have no issue respecting their wishes, but we have to travel to the venue and it is going to be a massive and long day. We will all be starving by the end of it. Hotel is not an option as husband could not get the next day off work and he starts at 5am. We weren't going to be staying super late at the reception anyway, but we were going to stay for a fair chunk. Baby sitter isn't an option as we don't know anyone in the venue area.
28 Replies
How rude. So were you given the option of just you and hubby going without kids? I would bypass the whole thing, I would be deeply offended.
No we weren't given that option. We were going over the seating plan and I noticed that we weren't on there and that's when we were told
Im speechless! I feel really upset and offended on your behalf. To not even invite you and your husband... wtf
It's odd! I love no kid weddings and was bridesmaid at my sisters wedding and left my son with a baby sitter. I knew 12 months in advance. And was given choices and it was discussed with me. I hired a baby sitter from dial an angel for the night. Had a great time.
I have never heard of this! How rude and hurtful! To not even give you the option to find care is appalling and im also deeply offended for you.
I would be telling her to shove it up her arse. Thats unbelievable!
I'm a little over this topic! So many bridezillas combined with parents with an astounding sense of entitlement (hate to break it to people but the world doesn't revolve around your kids/babies!
1. They have every right to request no children at the reception and have their wishes respected. (I feel like they may have just said this knowing you wouldn't get a baby sitter or that a hotel room wasn't an option).
2. Guests have a right to decline invitations if they cannot bring their children, you can't ask people not to bring their kids then get upset because they can't come!
You need to talk to your sister about this mate, tell her you feel a bit hurt, tell her you would have liked to be given an option. Ask her if there's a way to compromise - if there's not just respect her desire and let her enjoy her wedding day.
It's not worth causing a huge family drama about!
I think the OP is more shocked that they did not get invited to the reception at all, even just her and hubby. Considering they're all in the bridal party it is even ruder, they're giving up time and possibly money to be in this wedding and won't even get to enjoy the rewarding part of the wedding which is good food, a few drinks and a good time with other guests. That is extremely rude and this goes beyond your normal no kids at wedding dilemmas.
Honestly we only know half the story here. Op already said she's unwilling to get a babysitter or a hotel. Maybe the bride and groom were aware of this and just thought it easier to not invite them to the reception to save all the fuss, maybe this was their solution of having them in the bridal party and having a kid free wedding - who knows?
My point was, if op is upset about it she should talk to her sister about it, like an adult!
This is why I'm never getting married, too many bloody politics and unspoken rules to follow 😂
Exactly, you too only know half of the story, so maybe stop assuming. You sound extremely heartless to be honest.
I think youre emotional and making it bigger than it needs to be because you want what you want. Just remember its their wedding, your job, if youre friends and want to be part of it, is to attend wherever asked when asked to share in their day. Thats all.the whole planning of the way they celebrate ceremony reception either/neither conventional/unconventional is up to them. There are no rules or expectations. Its their day.
Not heartless at all and I'm not even saying the op doesn't have the right to be upset. I'm saying issues are never resolved by staying silently angry about it.
I've offered advice: talk to her sister and find out why she wasn't given an option, try and find a compromise and if not - then let the sister enjoy her day the way she wanted it and don't let it drive a wedge in their relationship.
I wouldnt mind. She wnats part of it no kids. Shes got you in very special positions in other parts of it.
Be there for the ceremony then if youre hungry go to the pub or a cafe and get food and go home.
if you want to be there, get a babysitter then tell her you want to be there and have sorted the kids so you can be. Simple.
So they go through all the effort of the whole family being in the bridal party- which is exhausting I have done it and literally consumes your life for a good week before the wedding - and just be happy to go and buy themselves a counter meal at the end of that? No way. They would be getting the ceremony shoved up their ass. Your family isn't someones convenience so they have a full wedding party for photos then bugger you all off once they've finished with you.
Yes. You go through all that to be there. Youre not owed anything. Saying well we're hungry afterwards is your own problem - youre adults, feed yourselves.
Flip the way youre looking at it, they have made a space for you, a very important space. Sorry you feel they owe you for that, but that sense of entitlement is whats causing the problem here.
if you really thinkthey only included your kids for the photos then you should have said no ages ago. The fact is they can choose to have a family/huge/public wedding and also a child free knees-up afterwards, if thats what THEY want, its THEIR WEDDING, theyre not doing anything wrong.
Key word being 'entitlement'.
You be part of someones wedding or go as a guest to help them celebrate such a special occasion.
You are owed nothing for doing that, it's a bit sad people see weddings as little more than a free feed!
I agree. I wouldn't mind. Really a reception is boring for kids anyway and usually people are drunk. She still gets to go to the ceremony which (to me) is the most important part.
Go see the sites of the town and get something to eat there then go home...it doesn't really seem like that big of a deal.
If it's no kids and you aren't getting a sitter, by deduction that means you're not going right? That's what you're saying, so why upset about it? Seems like the solution you want is for your kids to be able to go. Despite saying you respect their wishes I don't see where you are doing that.
She obviously knows you won't get a sitter and can't attend without your kids, insert eye roll, so she is minimising the awkwardness of you having to decline and being quite thoughtful actually. She can't win, invites you, you can't attend because of your kids, she doesn't invite you and you are offended. All these wedding questions, I honestly can't believe how entitled parents are these days, just because you have kids, doesn't give you a free pass to think the world revolves around you. Have you mentioned you have a sitter organised, looking forward to a kid free night? No, of course you haven't, she knows the score and she's doing right by you.
YES! THANK YOU 👏👏👏
Rude. Who does not invite people from the bridal party to the reception? The reception is the celebration of the marriage. I would be so pissed off if it wasn't even discussed before hand. If they knew you probably couldn't make it they should have spoken to you about it and made sure you weren't going to before just leaving you off the seating arrangements. So sick of hearing that its all about the bride and her wedding day, thats no excuse for being a rude cow, and thats what this is. You dont ask people to be in the bridal party and not invite them to reception, thats really fucked up. I wouldn't do that to any guest to be honest, I guess good manners and basic morals are just disappearing.
When I was a child I was a flower girl in three weddings. All my aunties. I didn't go to the reception. Nobody was offended. I was glad to be babysat. This was the 1970s, so this isn't a modern concept. My younger sisters didn't attend the weddings at all.
I'm just surprised the conversation hasn't come up before now.
I think a lot of these issues arise when people make assumptions without seeing an invitation.
We had a huge family blow up over both my sisters weddings when people assumed they were invited, people we barely knew (saw them less than once a year, never had phone conversations etc with them in between seeing them). Somehow they had planned there outfits etc (before save the dates or invites went out). Of course the butt hurt was huge. It caused so much drama all because of assumptions.
Receptions are more for adults to drink to celebrate the wedding. It's not usually a great place for kids. I would just go to the ceremony and then grab a bite to eat elsewhere and go home. Your kids will probably be super tired afterwards and be cranky at the reception anyway!
It sounds like she's done the easy thing as you're going to make it hard in terms of the kids. She doesn't want kids at the wedding and you aren't negotiable on a way around it :)
I don’t understand how your children cannot be invited to the wedding reception when they are a part of the bridal party? That’s just weird and wrong in my opinion. As you say you talk freely with your sister so if this is playing on your mind and it obviously is be 100 per cent open and honest with her about how you feel. Good luck xx
I think to be asked to be part of the bridal party and expected to wear all the costs that that involves and then not even spoke to about not wanting kids at the reception and told because you noticed your names weren’t on the seating Plan I ’s damn rude !!!! That’s beyond ..... words really lol I’d be questioning why they want you to be in the bridal party and suggest that maybe you all step down (depending where the plans and arrangements are up to ) and suggest you just come to support the ceremony but all the extra $ is not fair esp of your not even getting a meal !??? 😮 wow ....
honestly surely she could have asked you whether there was a possibility of another arrangement such as hubbys family to help with the kids !? To watch while
You go eat and maybe til the speeches? And then I’d hire a hotel anyway for kids to be comfy and eat and fall asleep til you get there etc and still travel home as you were planning ......
That’s a bit fucking rude!
So you have to shell out all that money for dresses, suits and the like, turn up, smile sweetly, hear “I do” then bugger off, you’re not wanted.... 😡
Wierd wierd wierd
I’d be shocked and speechless too! Apply the 24 hour rule or even longer to compose yourself, then talk to her
When I was a kid at wedding there would be a babysitter that looked after a few family's kids, we had an absolute ball watching movies and eating pizza. You could go to an agency for a babysitter. Ask what everyone else is doing with their kids as I'm sure there will be other guests doing the same thing. Bring a friend to help look after the kids. I would be happy to support my sisters wishes seeing as it is her one big day that she can be a prima donna and princess, even if a few things didn't go the way I wanted them to go, are you married? On your wedding day you get to call all the shots and everyone has to make you happy, but it her turn for everyone to make her happy.
Nah that's rude.
I see many people here saying you shouldn't feel entitled to go to the reception blah blah, but it's also about sharing food and drink with everyone that matters to the happy couple celebrating their day. Saying you're not invited because you have kids is taking away your option to attend even briefly. It's not about you getting a free meal, it's about celebrating together.
Btw, had kids at mine, they had a ball and were not an issue at all (youngest was 6mths). Parents were given an option to bring their kids or plan a night without. We had the best of both worlds and an enjoyable evening with family and friends.