Just wondering if there is anyone out there with a partner with major depression?
I’m a single mum to a beautiful 2year old. I left my husband a year ago as he was an alcoholic. 8 months ago I met and went into a new relationship wonderful caring man who is a single dad of 2. We don’t live together but are very serious. We have great chemistry and he is like no one I’ve ever been with before - we can talk about everything with each other and he is so loving.
The problem is he suffers from major depression. His low times seem to be happening quite a bit lately and I’m really struggling with it. He is never cranky or nasty towards me but he does isolate himself and push me away during his low times when all I want to do it help him and care for him.
I really struggle that he doesn’t want me around when he is low. He sees psychologists and gets a lot of professional help plus is on medication. How do other people cope with this? I don’t want to end the relationship but it’s started to make me upset and feel unwanted.
We talk about this together but I just don’t know what else to do, how to support him properly and how not to be so effected by it myself.
A partner with depression
A partner with depression
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
6 Replies
My husband has depression and anxiety he was diagnosed earlier this year after a suicide attempt. When he has low.days his really low and other days his good. We have found that exceeding has really helped. He started jogging openly said on my down days I need u to push me to go. Alot of times after his gone on a down day he feels so much better. Sometimes u just know his on a down day needs some space and just to leave it he knows where he can get help or talk if he needs it
Does he see a dr? On meds, seeing psych, doing light exercise, being proactive.
When i had depression my relationship was so hard and actually i wasnt in a place to have a relationship, thats why.
Always look after yourself and your child. Youre newly out of your relationship with her dad dont rush into something and dont learn to live with something thats bad for you because you want to be with him.
Maybe when he's going through his extreme lows you just need to give him some space. I don't mean completely abandoning him at this time, I mean just letting him know you're only a text or phone call away at any time of day and just leave the ball in his court - maybe send a text now and again to check in but other than that let him come to you when he needs you.
Sometimes it can be more stressful and difficult for people to pull themselves out of these lows, if they feel hassled by a worried loved one.
Keep in mind, your relationship is fairly new. He's probably used to dealing with this in his own way by himself. It'll probably take him a while to let you in and help him.
Make sure you have someone to talk to as well, it can be really difficult for you too.
Is it possible that your husband was so bad, that after only four short months being single you think this guy is so wonderful, because your expectations/standardsare so very low? I would absolutely support a long term partner through mental illness, but to be honest, this a lot of work for the beginning of a relationship. I think this is a time where you and your child need emotional support, given what you have been through and the last thing I think you need is to be worrying about someone else's mental health. I feel like you have rose coloured glasses on with this guy and have become too emotionally invested far too quickly.
I honestly think he has no business starting a new relationship in his current state. It isn't fair on the person he is dating.
This could potentially be what you have to deal with for the rest of your life. (That's if you stay with him).
Having a partner with depression is bloody hard.
My partner is medicated and sees a counsellor, but has had little to no improvement.
You have to think long and hard if this is the type of relationship you want.
But, what your partner is doing is completely normal! He's not purposely pushing you away, it's just a coping mechanism.
He seems to have some wonderful qualities, focus on them whilst he needs this space/alone time.
Ask him if there is anything you can do to help to make day to day tasks easier during this time.
Hugs to you IM.