Hi IMs,
I'm in serious need of advice and even similar experiences.......
Long story short, I'm in what has been a rather toxic relationship for many years. It's had some time of separation. But like a moth to a flame i always missed him and want him back.
So reasons for toxicity, reason 1 multiple flings and affairs on his part. Within the first 18 months of our relationship he was seeing another woman for at least 12 months and having booty calls with another. Reason 2 money i purchased land for us, he put in his name. Then expected me to borrow against my house to build on it. (For the money I borrowed very little was built.)
We separated for 6 months after the first 18 he made me believe he couldn't live without me, so I invited him back but there were some huge terms put in place:
No women
No secrets
Needs to work and contribute
Etc
Shortly after getting back together we created a gorgeous little bundle.
I also have an older child and partner and older child clash majorly.
I believe the only reason he is here is for the little one, as I have caught him communicating with one of the earlier women and found him on dating sites.
I've tried to end it and asked him to leave many many time, he either ignores me, refuses my request or threatens to take me for everything I've got. Not that it's much anymore after the financial hardship he put me in.
So my question is how do I get him out of my home????
I'm so very unhappy and there is no way to ever trust him again.
Even though he is doing more now for the family than he ever has i honestly feel nothing but hatred towards him.
7 Replies
You tell him he has until the end of the week. You tell him to take you to court if he feels he is owed any money.
When he doesn't leave on the set day you call the police and ask him to remove him. Have the locks changed that day!
Going to court costs him money he doesn't have. Legal aid won't help him. So who cares about his threats, they are meaningless!
You leave the house with the kids. I had to. My ex refused to leave. The house was in both names but I paid the mortgage for 7 years he never made one repayment. Not even while I was on maternity leave.
Do you have family or friends that you can stay with until you get your own place?
My daughter and I stayed with my parents for 3 months before I started renting my own place. 12 months later and he’s still in the house and it used to KILL me but I’m fine with it now. I’m spending a lot of money on lawyers to resolve financial and parenting and will probably left with nothing in the end, but you may qualify for legal aid so it’s free.
I just got to the point where I thought to myself I would rather live in a cardboard box with no cent to my name then live another second with this man.
My only problem with this is it is my house in my name i purchased long before we got together.
Break up and move on.
Do whatever you have to do... give him a timeframe and stick to it. If he won’t leave call police... once he is out get the locks changed. Any breaches of privacy and you go get a DVO. Make a statement every time he breaches. Hopefully it does not come to that but if it does have him answer to the police/courts. Be consistent and firm with boundaries from the start. Should a DVO be put in place remove your house from the equation and have mutual location to drop off/pick up any children. Good luck.
Sounds like you're his meal ticket. So he got you pregnant to ensure a roof over his head? How many other kids does he have?
This guy is a leech and a shit partner/parent. You deserve to be happy. Find your happy, and your financial independence again, without this loser. You don't need him or his shitshow!
If the home is in your name, give him 14 days notice to leave, put it in an email or text, if he doesn't leave by the deadline, then pack his shit, put it out and change your locks.
Get yourself a good therapist to help keep you strong and to build up your self esteem so you never go back to him or any other guy like him
This child is his only one. And thanks for the advice