I don't really know what im looking for maybe a vent im sorry.
I wish i was happy in my relationship. I'm not. I don't remember the last time i was. It's been at least 2 years. I wanted this to be forever, 7 years and 2 kids. This has been my only relationship. I'm going through therapy and have been for almost a year and the longer i work on myself the more i realise how suited we just arent for each other. I feel very stuck. He's lazy and often makes my life difficult but hes not abusive and i dont hate him. I'm so young and i dont feel that I have reason to leave but struggle to find reason to stay. How do i navigate through this? How do i work out what i really want?
How do i be happy?
How do i be happy?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care
3 Replies
You dont have reason to leave? Youre not happy. Happy is all we have in our short life.
ok, your marriage is important and keeping your kids parents together, most of us value that, but youre in therapy just to cope with life. Thats telling me something. You know things are bad when youre in therapy just to deal but still trying so hard to keep doing the thing that makes you so unhappy that you need therapy!
Theres a simpler answer you just have to give yourself permission to choose it.
he doesnt need to be abusive for you to not be together.
Have you done couples counselling?
If not, try that for 6 months then make your decision
It's a tough one. I found that while I was struggling with my own internal stuff (childhood sexual abuse coming back to haunt me) my head wasn't in my relationship and it pretty often felt like we were roomies, or just going through the motions. We had one child at that time and were 8 years into our relationship.
I came clean. I told him what I was battling with and got to work with a Psychologist. For a long time I thought he should make me happy and wondered if maybe it wasn't to be, or maybe that he loved me more than I loved him if I didn't feel happy. Then I found happiness from within and realised how fucking unfair I had been, to both of us. The change was huge, he actually thought I was cheating but I had to explain that I was just different and this was who I was now, had always been but didn't feel free to be it. And I got back to realising I love the absolute shit outta this guy. He's funny, kind hearted, he has moral that mirror my own and he's honest, hard-working, not terribly romantic but definitely has his sweet moments and still sexy as hell 20 years later. He's my first love too and we were both young when we got together and when we had our son.
Sure he still makes my life difficult but without all the weight of unhappiness I see it for the petty little shit it is, turns over to a new gas bottle and doesn't tell me so I can order another, cooks roast lamb and stinks the whole house out, will fix everyone elses car when asked but here's mine with dings all around and a smashed in front end plus the leaving shit lying around the house, taking my gardening stuff and not putting it back etc - but if we run out of gas stiff shit, he's the one that has to drive to the city to get one for showers (I can shower at work if necessary), I can hide in the bedroom while he cooks (it's a good excuse to read my book instead of housework haha) and if I was that worried about the car I'd just pay the $600 and get the local panel beater to fix it. We lead overlapping lives instead of being centred on each other so we both get our individual interests catered to and then sometimes we get to do stuff together that we find mutually interesting (usually me dragging him to a concert but also occasional camping or fishing). Compared to boring old me hanging out in the background just following wherever he led me, I reckon he's loving it now.
Give it just a little more time and effort. Don't throw it away unless you're certain and no one here can make that decision for you.