Has anyone else experenced this before?My almost 6 year old is out if control. She has always been a difficult child but lately I have hit my whits end. She doesn't listen ever. Every time I ask her to do something her immediate response is no. If I push it and firmly ask her again she sets in ready for a standoff flat out refusing until I physically have to put her in her room as she will not listen. She will scream and tantrum at the drop of a hat. She lies constantly about silly things like seeing her sister do something she hasn't or doing something I have asked her to do like changing the cats water. She is very lazy and will avoid all things she doesn't feel like doing by pretending to go to sleep.
She is a very bright girl and an absolute delight when she wants to be but then 5 min later I will be hanging the washing and come in to her 3yo sister crying because she has for no apparent reason gone into her room and hot her or knocked her toys over then pretended like she has done nothing. When I ask her why she does these things she says she doesn't know. I have heard her lying to her little sister and trying to manipulate her into doing naughty things when she thinks I can't hear her. I also suspect she hurts her and tells her not to say anything when I am not looking. I can not keep them seperated as hard as I have tried it is not a practicle long term option.
It is not diet related we eat very healthy and infact she will spend her whole dinner complaining she doesn't like this or that and getting her to eat 4/7 days is like pulling teeth.
I have been through every kind of positive reinforcement I can think of none of which work. Stickers, countless charts and posters, reward systems with pocket money or lollies none work.
Taking toys away doesn't seem to have any effect except to make her dig in more.
She says horrible things to me and is generally pretty nasty little thing when she is in one of her moods.
She is not neglected or unloved and I make special time for her every day etc but still within even min of doing something she will start up.
It is also absolutely not about follow through as I always follow through.
Help I am due to give birth to my 3rd child any day now, my partner has had enough and wants to leave if she continues on like this and am not coping.
3 Replies
Time for a child psychologist and peadiatrician
Sounds lots like our daughter. I have felt at my wits end as has my partner. Some things are changing after many years. These are what has helped us. Some are very much what suits our daughter but will put it out there in case anything might help. Reading books on the spirited child. Making sure she has more sleep. Using massage and physically calming techniques. Getting counselling for us. Getting a mental health plan via GP for her and finding a good therapist (for us it was an occupational therapist who works with animals!). Learning better what motivates her (competition, letting her set her own challenges, supporting her to take risks, concrete praise). Making a diary to track behaviour patterns. Noticing more closely what she does and why and when it's better (notice the good more). Doing more of what works (more special time for her, making sure her little brother doesn't get much more attention, turning the telly off much more - really reducing screen time which makes her a time bomb). Firm boundaries. Insisting on calm talking. Noticing what makes her tick. Supporting her to do stuff she loves (for our girl, piano, Netball). Physical exertion regularly (emotional outlet). Chinese medicine (herbs and cupping) that is really making her calm. Special movie nights. Expecting there to be times when it might be worse and discussing with her to predict and plan - like she gets hyper after a bath. Quality parental attention (games, activities just her and I or her and her dad). Loving her up. Like really giving her love. She is a really good kid just lost and very intense and feeling unloved and jealous. Time in nature. And now... Getting a paediatric assessment for adhd and learning about how her brain works. Tell your partner it can and will change,others have experience about this. You have to love her despite the behaviour and not harden your heart. I know that's so hard. You get angry. It's too much. It's not fair. But it can improve! She's not trying to make your lives hard (she's not lazy she doesn't want to do something and resisting you ask the time-consuming know, it's shit! But not her, just her behaviour) She's just lost /sad /angry /confused and acting out. She needs support as do you. Good luck! Get help!
Get a referral for a paed then a child psychologist stat!