so I feel I'm in a sticky situation. just under 2 months ago my partner did some work at my friends house for a cash job. The amount was agreed on and I was there. he got half the money the weekend he was doing the job as he had to buy some things up front, timber and so on. the rest he assumed he would get paid when he had finished. he basically left it up to me to get the rest as I was seeing her often. fast forward a few weeks and I've seperated from him. And she hasn't paid. The problem is I haven't stopped hearing about it (we have kids together). Its quite a bit of money so I totally understand where he is coming from. I did ask her about it soon after the job was done and ever since then I haven't really heard from her.
I am at the point where I am so sick of hearing about it I'm going to give the money to him from my savings. My friend is not struggling financially in any way, shape or form. So that is not the issue, and if it was I would very much understand ITS NOT THOUGH. Even though I am no longer with my ex I feel like its such a crappy thing for her (and partner) to do. I have no idea how to bring it up. this is at least a 10 year friendship that I feel like is about to go down the drain. what the heck would you do?
friend owes money
friend owes money
Posted in:
Money
9 Replies
He's a big boy, let him chase his own debts. DO NOT give him money out of your own pocket, it is a shit thing for them to do but giving him your money is just ridiculous (and entirely unfair on you).
I'd say to your friend
"Look, the ex has been hassling me about getting paid from the work he did here. I'm going to give him your contact details so you can sort it out because I'm sick of hearing about it".
I'd say this to the ex
"I'm not going to be put in the middle of this anymore, you need to take it up with them".
At the end of the day, none of this is your problem hun!
Send her a message and say have you still not paid xxxx.
Then send him a message and say its a shitty thing shes done youve told her to pay up but you cant be a debt collector he has to get it not you.
my main issue is I'm having severe anxiety about even bringing it up. I feel sick even thinking about seeing her because I know I won't be able to act myself when this is on the back of my mind,. I think I'm also annoyed because she hadn't paid up when we were still together (I'm not even sure if she knows we've split up properly) so I feel like she's screwed me over as well. just because we have broken up now doesn't excuse what she's done. Ive borrowed money once in my life from a family member and told them exactly what day I would be paying it back and I did. if I owed someone money I wouldn't expect them to have to chase me up about it, or get in contact to get it off them.
I know its not my problem but its really not the worth the grief I get from him. I would rather pay it and he can shut the hell up and we can move on and worry about our kids not this.
so Im probably more upset about the friendship then the money once I think about it like that.
I've known a person in a similar situation and the person had actually paid and the husband had missed the payment, did you give a bank account? Please make sure she hasn't paid before you say something. Just give her a friendly reminder.
Ugh... It's a hard position for you to be in, essentially they've both made you the meat in the sandwich so I can see why you're stressed out.
It sounds like you just want to avoid the confrontation, which I get. I'd just make one last attempt to amend the situation with a casual text, like:
"Hey hun, do you remember ages ago when *Joe did some work for you, he just mentioned to me that he hasn't been paid yet. I'm sure it is probably just slipped your mind or there might have been some kind of mix up. Can you give me a call when you're not busy so we can work it out xx".
Sure, these types of scenarios are a little awkward but it's better than letting it drag on whilst it continues to consume you. It may turn out that they genuinely forgot anyway, maybe their financial position isn't as stable as you were aware of or some other reasonable explanation. OR, they have happily taken advantage and have no intention of paying because at the end of the day they're either going to pay your ex or they're not!
If they don't pay him (or at least make some attempt to pay with an arrangement of some sort) I'd be considering if I'd want to remain friends such callous people.
I think your ex probably needs to accept that he's not going to see a cent from them and let it be a lesson to himself that mixing business and friendship is always a dubious path to go down (if they do pay - which does seem unlikely to be honest - then it's a bonus). It's really not fair that he's hassling you about it, you can't control their actions and I think I'd be very quick to tell him so. As you said yourself, you've got bigger Fish to fry like co-parenting your kids.
Good luck
If you pay it though, thats not goingto helpyou look her in the eye. If youve paid for her Id be even angrier. You really need to say something, it will help you be able to move on.
He did the job, he needs to chase up payment! DO NOT PAY THIS FOR YOUR FRIEND!!!!!
If he has her number then tell him to ring her or text her saying you owe this much by said date, if he won't, then you text her and advise her of her obligations. This pretty much wrecks your friendship anyway, so you got nothing to lose, and you certainly gain nothing from paying it for her, just means you avoid conflict which teaches you nothing, makes you resentful, and you still lose a friendship....
Send her a text like "hey friend, ex is hassling me about payment for the job he did for you back in (insert month). Just a heads up, we have officially separated and this shit is already hard without having to deal with this too 😊
I thought you'd fixed him up ages ago? Can you please confirm so I can tell him to bugger off.😂 Thanks, me xx"
This will be good practise for you. We have to stand on our own two feet and be able to speak up for ourselves and our kids, don't let him or anyone else push you around! Newly single means new warrior mum 👊🏼💪🏽
Absolutely right 👏👏
Just want to add, newly single mums need their savings too.