Hi IMs, I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe just debriefing after some challenging shifts at work. I have accessed my employer's counselling service (anonymously) and have an excellent support network. But I just need to have a little moment of feeling sorry for myself, after my most recent shift.
I am a midwife. I've been doing this for over a decade. I used to be very good at switching off when I left work, and not letting things play on my mind. But this week I'm finding it hard not to think a lot about the last woman I looked after. I can't blurt out all the details unfortunately (confidentiality), but she had a stillborn baby, and the circumstances are very, very worrying. I was the first person to look after her and her baby after the birth. The hospital I work at provides exceptional bereavement care, and I am confident she will be well supported during her stay and into the future. She also has an amazing family, and I know she will be very well cared for.
But something makes me very uneasy, and it's bothering me. I have done all the right things as far as documenting my concerns and making sure the social worker and all the other supports and services were contacted. There is nothing more I can do.
I'm just very worn down in this job. It's demanding, both physically and emotionally. When I started out, things were a bit different. There were fewer high risk pregnancies, care was less complicated and stressful on midwives, and the paperwork wasn't so ridiculously detailed. I know it's all necessary, but it's not enjoyable anymore. It feels like there's always someone looking my shoulder, hurrying me along to the next task - and I spent more time desperately scribbling in the notes than I spend at the bedside supporting and caring for my patients. I specialised in midwifery because I love working with women on their journeys to motherhood, whether it's a joyful journey or not. It used to be incredibly rewarding, even when a woman experiences a loss. These days the joy is hard to find amongst all the paperwork. it feels like a business, with strict rules and timeframes. My last shift has tipped me over the edge. I don't think I want to do this job anymore.
There, I said it. The words I've been afraid to say for the last couple of years. I don't want to be a midwife anymore. I'm shattered.
Thank you for reading. I don't think I'm asking for any advice, but of course please feel free to comment or make suggestions. I just needed to get the words out.
7 Replies
Time to take leave.
Speak to your superior and outline your issues with the job. They get it too. They understand the more pressure we’re under the crappier we perform. I get it. We do less caring and more paperwork. It’s shit, but it’s the sign of the times. Unfortunately all of the nursing profession feel it, and patients suffer as a result.
I wish it could return to what it was.
Take leave and time away from work. Recharge, get some clarity and then make your decision.
I think midwives do a fantastic very important job. Its the emotional connection thats such a large part of it & what makes you special to us forever.
could i gently suggest a birth centre where mums are low risk and you get to have fewer clients. Or maybe its time to look at another branch of your expertise. Teaching midwives? Further study?
Take some time off first & treat yourself gently, you need it.
You can only do what you can do, don't be scared to take a new path especially if this one is wearing you down.
You know what, when you’ve invisioned yourself to do one thing for the whole of your life, it’s incredibly hard to find yourself not wanting to do that anymore. Even more difficult to admit it. I know that feeling and I imagine it to be a little harder being such a mentally exhausting AND rewarding job such as midwife.
Take some time out to figure out where your head is at. Give yourself some time to grieve for the loss (I know it’s not yours but you’re still entitled to grieve) and then you can start making decisions to move onto something else or maybe you might decide to stay.
Give yourself time out first though, that’s the most important. Take care
Sounds exactly like the teaching profession - too much paperwork, not enough teaching time with students and constantly looking over your shoulder. Ridiculous! I feel your pain 😘
I am a midwife who has been working for over 30 years. We all find ourselves overwhelmed at times. For me it now tends to be when I need a break. And after a holiday I come back refreshed and ready to face the challenges again.
There have been times earlier in my career when this has happened. Both times I changed jobs. Still a midwife but in a different location. This happened at about the 5 year mark. I have been in my current location 20 years now. I was very concerned leading up to the first 5 years as to what was going to happen. During that time there have been several changes that maybe have stopped this from happening.
Maybe look at a change. Is a different hospital a possibility. Or if this isn't realistic look a change of roles. Could you take on an education role? Some midwives I work with have changed the area they work in. Have gone from Birth Suite mainly to SCN. And have got their passion back.
Another thing that helps is who I surround myself with. Some people feel like they drag me down. These I stay away from. I prefer to laugh and be positive even when incredibly busy. I like to work around people the same.
Look at counseling. Most workplaces have some that can be accessed by staff.
And lastly talk. Talk. And talk. Offload. The more you share the less you carry.
Take some leave. Go hug a tree, walk a beach, try not to think about anything. The answers will come.
What about changing to do homebirths or just somewhere different?
The expectation on midwives, nurses, teachers, social workers, who are mostly women, is bloody ridiculous, not to mention the shit wages....