Our 19 year old son has now been out of school and unemployed for over 12 months. We have given him leads for jobs, assistance with applications, advice on how to dress for interviews etc but he isn't interested and I think he is blowing the interviews on purpose. Every time he has had a job trial he has come home before lunch complaining of a sore back - scans show nothing, physio says nothing is wrong...next stop is a psychologist. My question is how do we make him understand how important a job is, he also still hasnt got his licence and isnt interested in getting into TAFE etc....he is causing some serious issues in our marriage at the moment as I work 60 a week and am not home to supervise. My husband isn't tough on his because he is the only son left after our other son passed away.
Our daughter is at uni, works and has a long term boyfriend so its not the way we brought him up thats the issue i dont think.
9 Replies
I'd get him in to see a psychologist asap.
I found the jump from school to the next step incredibly difficult. On the outside I looked lazy etc. on the inside I was totally lost. I was totally unprepared psychologically for the work force and depressed. I really struggled without the high structure of high school. And to be honest high school was a struggle besides two subjects which I excelled at and loved but couldn't turn into a job.
It wasn't until my 20s I really gained some traction.
THIS!! when I left school high school I was completely burnt out, I had no idea what I wanted. I saw everyone else in relationships, working, going to uni/tafe and I felt completely stuck and alone. I'm nearly 30 and have only just got my life together
I agree i was a lost cause too. But i didnt stay home 24/7 i always worked and had some plans.nothing like the career and personal direction and goals I have now though.
I agree its hard but I would also say lifes too comfy for him if hes able to comfortably do nothing and live in the home of someone that works 60 hour weeks. That also can be a motivator. Cut the luxuries, internet, tv, snacks, laundry service, etc and make him pay board and and see if that motivates him.
I'm kinda curious why a 19 year old needs supervision? Is it at all possible that you baby him a bit?
I completely get that he may having trouble adjusting to adult life after high school, I found it very overwhelming myself but that doesn't mean he gets to do nothing til he figures it out.
I think he needs a combination of phsycological help (perhaps counselling etc) and tough love.
What I mean by that is insisting that he either studies or has a consistent job of some sort, no ifs or buts. Stop providing for him financially, ie. Don't provide anything other than a roof over his head and food in the fridge, if he receives any income from centrlink (or once he does start working) I'd expect him to chip in for household expenses. Stop organizing jobs for him. Give him the opportunity to do these things independently.
Money is generally a pretty good motivator for young people, but you need to be firm and not give in!
I'm just so glad it's not only mine. Drives me fucking insane.
Is he paying his way? Does he contribute financially to the household? If not, make him.
Does he help around the house and cook meals? If not, make him.
Does he wash his own clothes? If not, make him
A lot of kids these days are just lazy. (Not saying that your son is), but if you do everything for him, he'll abuse that power.
Why work when mummy and daddy provide?
Agree, a dose of reality. Big difference not working, spending your dole $$ on rent for a shitty sharehouse and having nothing left compared to living it up in a fancy grownups house he hasnt earned.
Givehim a push into the real world, he'll realise that if he wants stuff he has to work for it.
Def get him into a psychologist and some family counseling might be helpful too.
Ok I’m going to go out on a limb here. Is it possible that you have treated him differently since your other son passed away is he maybe feeling the pressure to succeed causing him to feel lost. Is he possibly showing greave by way of locking himself up from the world or is he just lazy. It could be a number of things I would try to get him some counseling and see a physiologist. Good luck