Lost hurt and confused
So had someone contact me saying they have been with my parter on and off for 5 months we have a 10month old son together and live together and both have kids from other relationships mine full time and his ftn weekends anyways things have been rocky $ r tight and I do stress over small issues having enough nappies food wipes when really we have plenty and bills being payed basic adult life
Long story short I kicked him out he was gone 10 days but come home 4 nights for dinner n to see kids talk ect I asked him back I love him I asked if he had been with anything he said no he loves me and being away has woken him up to how much I do and how good he has it
Fast forward a month and I know he will deny it so I asked this female y she is asking about us as a family and she asked if I know where he is as she needs to tell him how she feels she’s In love with him so I give our address out she turns up he tells her off n says it’s was one night get over it walks off
She gives me dates they were together I pack n leave but over time have looked into dates and theirs no way he was with her for most of them but I can’t trust him either we r doing counciling but I really don’t know if I can let go n get past it he can so easy sleep with someone just because we fight
He’s saying we need to live together to make it work but I feel he needs to prove he loves me he txt n calls daily and we have seen each other for a few hrs over the last few weeks which has been great but I’m just so unsure is it possible to move past this my friends all say leave him but I feel bad for my kids and want to try again but don’t know how or where to start I feel like I’ve let everyone down no matter what I choose I just want to be happy
14 Replies
He sounds like he's full of bullshit, we need to live together to make it work basically means I can't behave like I love you when you're not around.
I've had one of these, down to the cheating while I had his baby. In my opinion that says it all, cheating when you've got a newborn, kind of finalises it. Leaving was the best thing the further away I got the more I could see he just can't be trusted, no regrets at all.
We need to live together = I can't control you and manipulate you from a distance.
Run as fast as you can. This guy has incredibly poor judgement.
Wow yes you seem very confused what a horrible spot he has put you in. When some one says they love you but then treats you like this....its not love. Sounds like he only wants to live with you to control you. Put yourself first and get counseling just for you. Get your own thoughts, feelings and life together then sit back and see if you want to bring him back into your life. Dont give this "man" (i use that word lightly) a free ride to run all over you. If he loves you then he can prove it. By getting his own place and working at your pace. And i would work really slow because he has broken your trust. You say you want to be with him cause you feel bad for your kids....wow... im sure with all this going on your kids are enjoying the peace without him in the home. They would be feeling the tension and thats a horrible way to grow up feeling that. And please go to your GP and get a full STD check....asap.
So are u wanting to have ur children to grow up in a toxic house with cheating, lying, an un-healthy relastionship going on? Do you wont ur kids to think its a normal way of living? I would run as far away as u can & do not look back! Yes u will be sad/lonely & upset from breaking up but why should u be his cake he thinks he can eat to & also have someone else when he pleases? Why r u second best? What is there to love in that relastionship? What good qualities does he bring to the table? I bet ur kids love not having him around for peace & tranquility. U r worth way more then this controlling, manipulating man. Have u heard of "gas lighting" before? Look it up. Kids will adapt to having him not be around. He is no role model anyway to have in a childs life. Do not second guess ur gut feelings. Do not use children as an excuse to go back to him as that pretty much just stuffs kids around more emotionally plus ur self. Go get good councelling for ur self & speak the truth with the councillor tell them everything. They r not there to judge u but to help u. Could give u some coping skills or ideas etc having him txt u & ring u each day is just a load of crap, was he doing that when he was of cheating & sleeping at other peoples houses? He is probably just sorry he was caught out. Men like him seriously dont change, hmmm maybe for a week or 2 but then go back to their old habbits. U deserve better!! U r worth a lot more !! Also yes go get tested for all STD'S as ya never no. Better to be safe then sorry.. good luck & think like a mature adult not like a teenager would cause sometimes our inner stubborn teenager comes out but needs to be put in place with adult mature choices made for ur children & ur self.
U do sound lost & confused... very hard to believe someone & have trust in them when they tell so many lies/stories & also stories then from another person telling u they have been with ur partner for that long. Time to forget them & find ur self. Get the councelling in place for ur self & even for kids as it wont hurt them to get some help to. U do not deserve a crap on & off again relastionship. He should either be 100% commited which he obviously isnt since he has had someone else so move on fpr ur own life instead. Just enjoy the kids & ur self. Kids will adapt & move on easily enough, when u feel sad think of the betrayal he has caused u. You do not have to put up with that.
Men can come and go....men like this need to go! But your kids will be in your life forever. What kind of a role model do you want to be for your children????
Life is to short to waste it on someone who clearly has no respect for you....and to treat you like that he has no respect for your children.
You only get one chance at living life.....make it count. Make your kids proud.
If you have a sister and she came to you with this issue what would you want for her??
"He’s saying we need to live together to make it work"
How about dont stick your dick in other people that might help it work!!
He sounds very controlling and so selfish.
How about what he says and wants can go flying out the window. He was not thinking "hmm sleeping with this chick (one night stand or not) is going to make my family n kids happy and keep us nice and strong" no he was thinking im going to get my dick wet. So not only does he show you no respect he gives zero fucks about your health....go get a STI check asap.
Im sorry you are going through this. And sorry if any of it comes across rude but i hate when women keep chaseing men like this who clearly have no intention of cleaning up there act.
I watched my little sister go through the same kinda thing only difference is she did get a STI and now she is stuck with it for life and she is only 27yrs. And the other chick had a kid to him thats only 3 months younger then the kid my sister had with him. Its just sick n twisted.
Time to learn from this hard life lesson. Dont go taking the blame by saying u stress out about bills, nappes etc u r not doing the wrong thing he is & he has. Run my dear, men like this r only in it to take what they can & while ever u let him walk over u he will constantly do it. Why would he want it to work now when he has caused all the damage? Nothing to fix or bother mending here. Take care of your kids & listen to ur friends advice of leaving him behind in ur past. Good bye to bad rubbish i say!
I just read all the other replys and i have to agree!
Run my IM RUN, you can do so much better and i dont mean you can do so much better with men i mean with life. You sound like a really nice person with a kind heart. Please do not let this guy walk all over you ever again. Be strong and build up your your life for your kids and they will thank you for it. Good luck IM.
Let us know how you go.
Wow just wow, its hard to know where to start. How about ask yourself why you want to try again what is so great about this man.
- what does this guy bring to the table?
- is he a good role model?
- if you had a daughter would you like her to date/marry a man like that?
- what is the pull towards him you have? Is it that you are worried about being alone?
- what things does this man do for you? Does he support, love, care, respect you
- does he have a good work ethic? Like a strong family man does?
- do you know what it feels like to be alone (no parnter) and happy within yourself?
- what kind of household do you want your children growing up in.
He can't prove he loves you because he doesn't. On and off for 5 months with someone else and even in the past month there's dates she says he was with her so even after being busted for dicking someone else he's still doing it. He doesn't love you, he doesn't even respect you and maybe can't. You know what's good for your kids? Learning about boundaries, about how to stick up for themselves and make tough decisions that are for the best. Learning that happiness isn't wondering whether your partner is where he says he is, or if he's where SHE says he is. Take the broken heart, repair yourself and move on.
Op confirmed some of those dates aren't true so the Harlet is most likely lying. She's a home wrecker. One of my ex's friends tried to do similar and they hadn't even been together at all. These woman are delusional. They will either spend one night and then make it more then what it was or send an unwanted picture and then make up a whole affair in their head
The Harlot is a woman he has slept with, not some horror movie inspiring pyscho with delusions. If he slept with her once, there's good odds he did it again and I'm guessing neither of these women thought to be recording where he was on every single day for posterity. Really, what are the chances some crazy is going to wait 5-6 months and then try to get back a one night stand she hasn't seen for half a year?
What a fucking mess! Let him go.
You won't find happiness in anyone else. Learn how to be happy on your own. Then you'd never put up with this kind of shit. Kids will be happy if you are, show them what a strong independent woman looks like. Living with his dramas and constant infidelity and you never being able to trust him again, well, that's not a good life for any of you...