Four years ago I left my abusive marriage with three children under 10. My ex has serious mental health issues and I've recently been granted sole parental responsibility and primary carer through the family law court. It cost over $100,000 and has had a huge emotional cost to my kids and I. Even though the court battle is over for now I still have to deal with him trying to manipulate the children and I. It's still really tough. My new partner of 2 years has been very supportive and I'm so thankful to him for helping and supporting us. The thing now is I have guilt that I'm not being true to him or me as I feel so trapped. My kids have some big issues after the trauma they've been through and if I'm honest so do I. I dont feel I'm in the right relationship for lots of reasons. I have no money and no job as I quit as I wasn't coping with everything. I'm also in debt due to legal costs. We live together and If I leave at the moment the thought of having to pay for everything on my own is completely overwhelming and I worry my kids will miss out on the therapy and help they need because I can't afford it. We have very little gov funded support services around as we are in the country. I really don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I'm not where I want to be but if I leave I'll be worse off. There's lots of good things about my new partner and he does try in lots of ways but I don't feel like we are right for each other in some big areas like lifestyle choices, finances and raising kids. The kids don't really like him as he is authoritarian and I'm not. I have no family support as my family live in another state and are not able to help me financially. I have some good friends but am still terrified of not coping on my own financially especially when I'm still trying to pay back loans for my solicitor. I'm don't know what I'm asking for really ... but I feel like I'm drowning. Any advice? 😔
3 Replies
I think regardless of your situation, staying in a relationship for financial gain is just plan and simply wrong.
You get out for your kids, therapy won't work if they are in a living environment where they are not comfortable. They don't need authoritarian right now, they need love and support and to be living with someone who they love and who truly loves them. You get a job, even part time and you move on, it's that simple. You don't have anymore relationships until you and your kids are fully healed, they deserve that, I'm talking years, not months.
I think you are still suffering from the trauma of the realtionship and the stress and emotional impact of family court. Its NOT an easy road and I think you could do with professional support. I know you say there isn't much government supported places to go for help, but some services do outreach work from bigger cities or they do over the phone counselling. I think its something you should look into.
Good luck. Xx