I hope this isn't too long, so bear with me.
I'm a domestic violence survivor. I got out a year ago after many years of emotional, physical, financial and sexual abuse.
I had to go through some extremely hard things to get where I am now. I also, in that time did some terrible, terrible things. Not to anyone but myself. I wrote myself off, I slept around to numb the pain. I eventually got myself on track, I met someone and life feels good most of the time. Except I wonder if my feelings are sometimes normal for what I've experienced. When I was in charge of all of the house work, the children, the daily ins and outs of life, I felt like there was nothing my ex could blame me for. I knew if I did everything precise, I wouldn't get abused. When I didn't do a good job, I was beaten and verbally abused. Now I find myself always asking if I'm good enough. My partner shares the workload. I find myself freaking and getting overwhelmed if he's cleaning and I'm not in fear he'll pin it on me later. He'd never do that, but it's how I'm wired I guess. I have no reference to wether I've been good or not and it scares the hell out of me. Worse is, I feel like I need to be beaten, because I'm not good enough... I know my place when I was beaten into submission. I guess I'm wondering if this is normal.. will it go away or am I broken?
Domestic violence
Domestic violence
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Behaviour
5 Replies
This is one of the reasons why it's important to get some psychological support when you leave a domestic violence situation. Your brain is currently wired to think this way, it can be, over time re-wired to think differently. Please speak to your GP they can refer you to services.
You havent taken the time to heal yourself yet. Youre not recovered. Your new partner may be great but all those thoughts and worries cant be good for you.
You need toget into a psych, your partner cant do anything it has to be all you and its going to be much harder with all this going on at the same time.
Honestly, there is no way you should be in a relationship at this point, you need time to heal and you need professional counselling. You will get there, but you need to do the work and yes, you are not alone, it is incredibly common and the reason why many survivors end up in another dv situation. Good luck, sending you love.
I tend to agree...
To the poster: A DV relationship very much changes you as a person.
I have been single for near 4 years and am still not ready to let someone else in.
I am not saying to end things but it would be a good idea to talk to someone and navigate your way through the thoughts.
You didn't deserve any of that and you are enough! I hope you can see that and truly get it.
Good on you for leaving. Get some psychological help, and take it slowly one day at a time, start to trust him one small thing at a time. I left 18 months ago and I don't know if I will ever be ready to let some one in. I'm only just now starting to believe and trust that I am worth someone's time that includes famliy and friends even my own kids. You can change your thought processes with help and with what you tell your self daily.