Feeling stupid!
A while ago my husband and I were in real financial strife (close to loosing house and cars etc) but we managed to sell out and buy a smaller cheaper house and payout 80% of our debt.
However, our bank account just scraped it under $10,000 and I go into full panic, anxiety spewing. I know it's not going to stay there and it will go up but I can't seem to shake the feeling that we will risk loosing it all again! I'm over letting money control me and my body.
How do I make it stop?
Anxiety and feeling stupid
Anxiety and feeling stupid
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Money
18 Replies
Under 10k when my bank account hits 100 bucks that's when I start to worry. But then again I've never had much money. Maybe you should see a counsellor.
I know right? I've literally never seen my bank account have anywhere near 10k. I live paycheck to paycheck like a lot of Australians. I'm guessing the OP grew up in a high income household. But it would be good to speak to someone anyway.
I'm trying not to laugh, sorry. I'd LOVE to have more than $1000 in my bank account. It would be amazing!!!! I haven't had a hair cut or colour in over 12 months. I don't get my nails done or pay for waxes etc. I only buy clothes so I don't have to walk around naked. I don't buy makeup etc. I haven't had a holiday since I was 16 years old. I'm in my 40s.
I don't say this as a pissing contest. I think when you realise you are actually doing quite well compared to a lot of people then things can feel a bit better.
Savings are for emergencies... what sort of emergency is going to cost you $10000? Fridge breaks, you can afford to fix it. Kids need braces, you can pay that easy! Car needs new tyres, you've got that sorted. Want to go on holiday, lets go!!!
Remind yourself what you can do with that money. Remind yourself you have plenty of food and a roof over your head. Take a big breath and think of what you DO have.
Perspective, what's the worst that could happen, you lose everything, it's just stuff, we live in a country where you get Centrelink, you will be ok, you will rebuild, as the ladies above said many of us live with less, you have each other and your health you will be ok.
I think you could try meditation and turning your anxiety for what you could lose into gratitude for what you have. No point being up if you're going to waste it worrying about being down, and there's no point worrying about being down even if you're there. Anxiety doesn't help us we need to tell it thank you, I have paid attention I've done what I physically can do now I don't need you.
Geez some of these replies are rude/jealous.
I feel for you. You actually went through financial difficulties which is why you now have anxiety about losing everything again.
I get very stressed over our accounts too, possibly not as bad as anxiety spewing but I do work myself up a bit.
I think it depends how long ago this all happened and if your anxiety about money is getting worse as time goes on? It might be something that will get better with time or easier the further away from your difficult time you get, if not, you should definitely talk to your GP about it.
It makes me cranky that people are disregarding your anxiety... everyone is valid for feeling their feels.
I agree! Your feelings are valid.
Feelings are valid, but they can be controlled and thought patterns can be changed. It's not easy but it's the way to overcome it.
But the "it could be worse" comments aren't useful, i think she already knows that 🙄
Definitely not jealous, I came from nothing I worked from 14 because my step dad only ever gave my mum a budget of around $600 a fortnight which the only thing he paid was the mortgage and car payments he was on $1500 a f/n after tax. He never gave my mum any extra money and we had to survive that included his smokes and food. I think too many people place too much value on things and worry way too much whilst living excessively. To be worried when your bank account goes below 10k is superficial to me. Maybe it's because I came from nothing which is also why I'm a Scrooge and only splurge occasionally. Why I live beneath my means and why I can live off minimal amounts of money. I've never been jealous of people with stuff I feel sorry for them because not having enough money is their biggest problem in life.
I don't think being worried about your bank account being below $10k is superficial at all. $10k is a reasonable safety net if something unexpectedly went wrong. My husband and I are a lot more conservative with our safety net, it's close to $30k. Our safety net isn't just for us but if something happened to our family members who live in other states we'd be able to travel to help out at the drop of the hat or help financially.
My mum was lucky that she had money saved up for emergencies otherwise she would not have been able to attend her mum's funeral!
Yes, I agree. They own their own home, what happens if water pipes burst etc? I'd be aiming for at least 10 grand safety net. Not being unrealistic at all.
I completely understand what you're feeling. I'm exactly the same with our savings, I have absolutely panicked anytime my husband has touched it. Fear and paranoia of something going wrong, or one or both of us not being able to work or losing work, and being able to keep the roof over our head and food on the table. Knowing the money is there for me, gives me a sense of control over the uncontrollable unknown future.
If you can see a professional for some guidance and to talk through what you're feeling, do it.
You know what you need, personal risk cover. You need life, tpd, trauma and income protection cover. Also some can be funded through your super, go see a financial adviser, they will explain it all to you. It will give you the peace of mind you are seekimg, all the best.
Take that anxiety and use it to instigate plans. Why did you both come so close to losing your home and cars? What needed to change to prevent the same circumstances from biting again? Downsizing was a great plan, is there anything else you could downsize to cheaper ones (phone, phone plan, cars)? Do you work or are you reliant on one income? Are your expenses a bit OTT and need to be reigned? What if you volunteered with any of the services that help people when they're down and out so you can see first hand that although it's shit to come into bad times, it's not the end of the world?
Every day is a risk for all of us. While I haven't had the threat of losing everything, I come from nothing so I know what it's like to not have and I know if it came down to that I would survive again. Compared to where I was, I have a lot to lose now and despite living on a very good middle class income we deliberately keep our expenses in check. If worst came to worst, I'm smart, hard working and trust in my ability to bounce back.
I remember back when I saved so hard for this house, the feeling of seeing my savings account grow and grow. The fear of seeing it empty could have prevented me from now owning the home we have, and sure enough I didn't like spending it but I did it and we have a simple but well built house to call home. Now my savings has grown back to a little over $30K and steadily climbing. I avoid taking anything out of it unless I absolutely have to, I really like having that buffer just in case but you bet your ass if I need it to save what I have I'd do just like you and use it, knowing with hard work and sacrifice I'll get it back up there again.
Just hearing about it isn't enough. I'd say you'll need to talk to your GP and get a referral to see someone who can help with some cognitive therapy skills. Good luck, and trust yourself.
I'd say you're doing very well. I can't get ours back to any where near that. You avoided going under. Our bank account is almost in the red. Credit cards are maxed. I'm not trying to disregard your feelings. Anxiety can be crippling. But you can put a plan in place now and budget. Seek help about your anxiety.
We invested badly and lost $80k. Had to sellup and buy a more modest home to pay the debt. Still don't have anywhere near $10k in the bank but we survive. Relax and enjoy life. You'll be fine...
Read The Bare Foot Investor
Seek professional help! You can't let money rule your life. A good therapist will help you get to the bottom of your issues and build you up with new strategies and skills.
I'm a single mum on a carers pension renting. I scrape by each week