Sorry this is kinda long...
My SIL is a spoilt little brat. She is so toxic myself and husband have been through hell in the last 12 months. Hubby got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I got him into see a Dr as soon as I could and his back on track now. During this time my SIL said some extremely hurtful things to myself and hubby I said some things to defend us. In the end everything was pinned on me and nothing was said to her. Over the last month hubby has opened up about his mental health to his family and I thought they where supportive. Over the weekend hubby has bought up with his mum what his sister said to us and how bad it effected him (2 days later their was a suicide attempt). Hubby's Dr has told him if something is playing on his mind he has to speak up and not bottle everything up.
He spoke to his mum at length about everything and told her he would be speaking to his sister about this as well but wanted to tell her first so she was clear on his position in this. After speaking with his mum she's gone and spoken to his sister and told her to back off. Sister decided it was a great idea to go out to dinner and take the mum and bag out hubby. So now last night and all day today hubby has tried to speak with his mum but she has refused to answer his calls. She refuses to speak with either of us.
Hubby hasn't had any anxiety attacks in months now in less than 24 hrs his had 3. Iam so deverstated for my husband that his family has cut him off. His sister is a spiteful bitch and manipulates everything to make herself look like the better person. Iam so upset I feel like calling them all up and saying what I really think of them. It took so much for him to speak up and stand up to them and its put him behind in his progress. What do I do? I want to call them up and tell them how much they let him down but I know it won't help the situation, our son's bday is coming up and I know they will want to see him. Hubby has refused to let them in the house. I don't want my kids to loose their family but we can't keep up with their toxic crap.
Toxic sister inlaw
Toxic sister inlaw
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
This isn't a toxic sister, this is a toxic family. His sister can't manipulate them like that, if they don't allow it. You don't become toxic in a vacuume.
I'm sorry for your husband, it truly, truly sucks. I hope he reaches out to his mental health team (keep encouraging him to do that) and remind him of his strategies to fend of panic attacks. It's also important to acknowledge that feeling due to situations like these are totally normal, and that feelings are not a bad or evil thing and feelings will pass (I'm not saying you don't get him some help of he isn't coping with feelings, but I find knowing that what I'm feeling is normal and healthy, helpful).
Personally if they are going to behave like this they are better out of your child's life. Now is the time to rally around hubby and create a happy healthy household. They don't get a relationship with kids if they can't behave themselves with the parents!
Sounds like theyre all running around playing games. He went to the mum first already feeling the need to defend and explain, mum ignored privacy and went to sister first, mums now in on the drama, its all chaos and as youve seen takes a huge toll on your mental health. Let him close the door on it, just support him.
Your husband needs people to support him through his mental illness. His family are not those people, they are his triggers.
He doesn't need people like that in his life, at least not until he has the capacity to cope with it, at the moment it doesn't sound like he's in the right head space to deal with this in a healthy way. The anxiety attack are telling you, this is all too much right now!
If he feels like he needs some space from them, then I think that's for the best, for the time being anyway!
As for your sons birthday, you can make other arrangements if need be. They can call him on the phone (if he's too young to talk on the phone I doubt he'd notice their absence to be honest), you could meet at a playground or something. Ultimately, hubbys mental health is more of a priority than catering for their needs and wants at this point.
And I know you're probably desperately wanting to give them a piece of your mind (sounds like you'd be justified in that too) I would just try and keep it amicable between you guys because if and when hubby wants to reconcile, you being on good terms with his family will make it easier on him. Try and remember it's for his benefit, not theirs!
My husbands brothers are evil people and he was the same. But something triggered my husband when he heard the saying "when a toxic person person can't control you, they control how others see you" and he realised what they were like and that he was better off without them. He knows he has to be around positive people and people that contribute positivity into his life. It was and still is hard for him as they still try to hurt him with every opportunity they get. He keeps on the path he wants for himself. It's such a long journey but you supporting him and being positive is the best thing.