What are grandparents rights?
My mother in law has recently had the joys of another grandchild, but the only problem is she now can't see her grandson and for no reason, she seen the baby in hospital and at her place once and she felt awkward but nothing was said or anything to think that there was a problem. Now when she tries to go around there no one answers the door she doesn't have her number so she's left letters and still nothing. The father (her son) has his own issues going on so for that she understands that the mum may feel hesitant about bringing the baby over her house to see him but there is nothing to explain why there was no contact whatsoever. She feels really upset by this as she is a excellent Nan and she just adores all her grandchildren.
And she would do anything she asks of her if it meant that it was a time thing or supervised, just anything, but when she can't communicate it makes it extremely hard.
I've also try messaging through fb but nothing.
Also dad isn't violent just a has issues and needs to grow up.
Mum lives at her parents with baby
Both in 30s
So is there anything she can do legally to see her grandson? Does she have any rights?
15 Replies
I am pretty sure she does have some sort of right legally, but not a lot and I think it's a process (as you'd expect).
Honestly there are grandparents 'rights' but your mum needs to tread carefully.
I remember when I had my son, and his father was being a d*ck the last thing I needed was his mum trying to assert her rights. Coming at me with rights would have shut down any future relationship quick smart.
Your mum has to remember that this mum probably has mixed feelings and quite frankly is concentrating on getting her new born settled. It's hard enough without worrying about a dick father and complex family situations.
Also usually if the parents aren't together it's up to the babies father to form that relationship with the grandparents, on his side. If he isn't doing that, that is on him.
Give the mum some space. Give her time. Taking a new mum and Bub to court or mediation is a bit of a crap thing to do, which is what you'd have to do. Your mums first step should be pushing for contact with the baby through her son., because that's her best foot in the door. Then I'd send a lovely letter to the mother, very nice, open, conciliatory. If nothing, then your mum needs to decide if she is prepared to go to mediation. But mediation will want to know why she hasn't got contact through her son as they do listen to the reasoning behind not keeping contact. At the most she would get a couple of hours a month.
Well said!
I thoroughly disagree with this notion that because you're a blood relative that gives you some kind of 'right' to be in the child's life. I know a woman who fought to have access to her grandchildren, it took years of legal procedings. Eventually, she was granted one hour of supervised visits per month and it came at the cost of ever having an amicable relationship with her grandkids parents. They had their reasons for not wanting her in their lives, perhaps your brother and sister in law do too.
I would think very carefully if she wants to go down this legal road, I imagine that will lead to more resentment and leave them even less inclined to have her involved in grandparents duties.
I think you should both back off for a while.
I'd say there would be more to the story than your mother in law has told you. I'm sure they have their reasons for not wanting her to have contact now. I'd just back off for a bit.
How recently was the baby born? Because it may be very likely that mum and Bub are still settling in and don't have the energy to host visitors. I think your MIL should just continue reaching out every so often and hopefully she will be able to build a relationship with her grandchild in time. I highly doubt court avenues will yield anything other than stress and hurt for all involved.
I think youre all being far too dismissive of her sons actions. she gets to see her grandchild when he does. If hes a shithead of a father then you need to support the mother thats left in that situation and the poor child, the best thing you can do is make him be accountable. Also do not hide behind him just to get visits. Eres nothing more destructive to a child than a perosn behind a shit man pushing him for custody - think of all the naive new stepparents that do it. You need to think of the child, not the grandmother. The childs relationship with his parents is far more important than grandparents, especially grandparents and inlaws that will ignore that or go on to have their own relationships with the kids dad, its just selfish thinking, not in the best interest of the child. Support the mum and stop pushing her for visits. Its a very tricky situation to sort out, and for her to decide whats best for the child and whether the relationship with you will be worth it or more painful, and she cant back out once the child knows you so she needs to choose carefully, pushing for YOUR rights and causing more stress at this time will only make her sure to say no.
Focus your pain and grievance at the kids dad.
Answer for some responses-
The baby is 6mths old
She isn't a pushy grandparent just a loving one that loves hers grandchildren, I should know I have 4 and all mine adore her.
I ask if there is anything she can do because she loves him and knows she has another grandchild out there that she doesn't have a relationship with. It breaks her heart.
The father seen his son 2 days ago (mother in law dropped him off there, so things seem fine between them) but I don't think he feels he can make choices for his partner or son. Or really cares too much what's going on.
And it's not like she's a new girlfriend they have been together for 15 years and has even lived together for a couple of those years.
All I want to know if it's possible for grandparents to have some sort of relationship with their grandchildren if their parents don't approve.
Short answer No. Its lovely she loves yours but unfortunately this baby would never have the same secure relationship as yours do with her as his deadbeat dad is her son.
No, it will never ever be the same. If she didn't have a strong relationship with the babies mother before the birth, it was unlikely to occur after the birth. If her own son won't advocate for a relationship then it won't happen.
Legally speaking, yes there are steps she can take, though that option is not without ramifications and visitation isn't guaranteed.
Morally speaking, no a person cannot just force that type of relationship without the parents approval or consent. At the end of the day parents have the right to not include people in their children's lives, whether it's justified or not.
no. she should leave the mother and her child alone. focus on fixing her own distorted son.
I have been this Mum but I made sure the grandparents had regular visits every 4 to 6 weeks. I was in my 30's and it was bloody hard, their son had no interest in the child and had his own issues but they wanted to build a relationship so I put my feeling aside so my child could experience having both sets of grandparents. This Mum has just given birth back off write a letter stating that you want to build a relationship with both your grandchild and her the mother of your grandchild. Do not expect her to allow you to do all the things you do with your other grandchildren like sleepovers ect she does not know you and you have to build a relationship with the mother plus your son has most likely hurt her deeply so in turn expects the same from you. Think long and hard about entering this child and mothers life it is a lifelong commitment you don't get to walk away when things get difficult with the mother or your own son makes you feel bad for spending time with a child they either don't want or are incapable of filling their parental obligations.
In hindsight personally I wish I had chosen not to allow my child's fathers parents to be involved, I have seen what terrific grandparents they can and have been to their other grandchildren but I now how the fall out of them dropping out of my child's life after 4 years because their son made it too difficult and now still 2 years later have a child cry and get upset that his Oma and Opa are no longer in his life.
Please whichever decision you choose either stay in the child's life forever or stay away, it hard on everyone involved.
Maybe it's just too hard for her to be around this woman, this so called fantastic grandmother who raised a dick head son who became a deadbeat dad...
"her son has "issues" and has to grow up" screams he could have NPD. So may the Grandmother if she's raised a son like that.'. If anyone has a personality dissorder, should be kept far away from the child.