So got a call from the school today mr prep and 2 of his friends pulled a miss preps pants down on the play ground today.
All 3 boys got green carded and kept in for lunch...
My plan was to have the thats not appropriate behaviour convo however mr prep keeps crying he dosent want to talk about it he didnt do it so i said to him but mate the teacher wouldnt have given you a green card if you didnt do anything his only response is i dont remember i dont remember...
So where do i go from here .... I gave him 2 options we could talk about it and he wouldnt be in trouble or he could not talk to me and sit in his room until dad gets home. He chose the hard way so he got yelled at and sent to his room. At this point i feel like that wasnt exactly the right thing to do but im at a lose here with what i should do i feel so bad for this little girl and i cant imagine how her parents are feeling... The teacher did tell me my mr prep wasnt the ring leader but the point is he still joined the pack....
Any advice welcome mummies
Mr prep pulling girls pants down
Mr prep pulling girls pants down
Posted in:
Kids
10 Replies
Assess how he's feeling. He might be embarrassed, or ashamed.
Either way, I'd talk to him before bed tonight and get it all out before he goes back to school. Make sure he knows what happened is wrong, don't do it again. Don't be a follower and to make his own decisions based on what he thinks is right.
When my girl is mortified because shes in trouble she shuts down and cant talk about it. Theres no point pushing and escalating at that point. Ive found the best way is to approach it backwards to how you think you should. Comfort, Take time out, calm down, first, then reassure, put it on a scale that its not a disaster,its a mistake, ask what he will do next time, and give alternatives, then you can say why its really not ok and why it was such a big deal.
Speaking calmly and supportively doesnt take away from the message, it just helps it go in.
Remember school is a big deal for preps, teachers and being in trouble is scary and very uncomfortable. he probably got a huge shock after the fact when he was suddenly in huge trouble.
6 year olds do silly things sometimes. He's been punished at school and punished at home so he's well and truly paid the consequences, so I'd just leave it for now. I'd follow it up in the morning (on way to school is a good time, my kids and I often have these types of conversations then) but I'd do it in a general sort of way, for example talk about how we respect others' personal space and their bodies, keeping our hands to ourselves etc. Maybe touch on what we should do if our friends are doing something wrong, I.e not joining in, telling a teacher if serious problem, going to play elsewhere.
Good luck mama and don't be too hard on him. Kids make mistakes, it's how they learn.
Agree!
You need to talk to your son about other people personal space (the conversation can still be had at six) and how it is not appropriate to touch another person without their permission. Even if their friends tell them too they need to learn to say no. No that's not right. You don't just have this conversation with him once but multiple times. Ie remember how we spoke about personal space, what are good choices you can make, what are bad choices you can make, what happens if you make a bad choice and what happens if you make a good choice? This is not something that can be swept under the rug. If I was this little girls mum or even dad I would be wanting to talk to your son myself and his friends that decided to assault my little girl, yes what they did was assault. I'd want them to apologise and would want to make sure that it wouldn't happen again. My Child would get his but whooped for behaviour like that and would loose many privileges for the rest of the week. Ie no tv, computer or iPads only books could be read and radio listened too. I'd even go as far as taking his favourite toys. Until he could comprehend the rights and wrongs of the situation. if it was 3 girls I'd be saying the same things. It actually disturbs me that 3 little boys thought it was ok to pull down a little girls pants, what are the other parents of those 2 little boys teaching their children?
Do you think maybe they retaliated? Perhaps he feels like he is in trouble but she isn't when she did something too? If that's the case, the conversation might not just be about boundaries, but also that 2 wrongs don't make a right and how the situation could have been handled better. Just a thought....
Victim blaming....
It's very difficult for a little preppy to go against the group, if he wasn't the ringleader, I wouldn't be angry but teach him what to do if another situation like this arises. School is a big, scary, new world to them. If he was the ringleader, there would be punishments and much bigger convos obviously.
Rather than focus on what he did wrong this is the perfect opportunity to teach him about consent and child protection. There are many children's books about child protection and consent. I would start with this to open the discussion and take the focus away from him and what he did wrong. You can come back to this when discussing the books. He can still learn the important lessons without feeling ashamed. He probably didn't understand that this was wrong when he was doing. Hence why it is important to teach him about child protection and consent. This is not just for the safety and rights of girls he will come in contact with but also himself. Paedophiles often use games to groom children and if his experience is that this is a fun game to play whose to say it doesn't get used against him.
If it were my son I'd get down on his level (usually my knees) and talk to him, me being on a higher level always made him intimidated and he would not talk to me, he'd just shut down. I would be furious, but I would wait until I'm calm, get down on my knees, hold both of his hands and ask him what happened, then I would explain how and why it was wrong and how to handle the situation if there is a next time.
Time out and any other punishment has never worked with my 5 year old. Usually I will send him to his room while I'm angry and then when I calm down I go into his space where he is comfortable and when I'm down on his level I will start with "I'm sorry" yes, I apologise. I apologise for sending him to his room, I apologise for getting cranky, I explain why I was cranky or why it upset me, and then I ask him to talk to me. 9 times out of 10 he will open up about everything and tell me what happened, how it happened and why. Then we both work together to find a solution.