Please do not post to facebook
My ex and I split at the start of the year after 14 years together. We have 2 kids (6 & 2 year old).
Two weeks ago he told me he is has been having fun with someone and they became serious about a month ago. She has a 18 month old from a previous relationship. He told me he was going to be meeting her ex and her child over the next week and said that if I wanted we can meet before he introduces her to our kids. I have no issue with him dating, etc.
He told me he would introduce her to our kids in a months time and only as a friend first so our kids could get use to her being around before he tells them they are dating.
Last Thursday he told me he is talking to our eldest about her that weekend and went ahead and told our 6 year old that he has a girlfriend. After questioning him as to why he did that and not start off as saying she is a friend, he tells me she is moving in with him in a months time.
He said he wanted to get the kids use to her being around. He has the kids every 2nd weekend. As it stands they will meet her in 2 weeks time and the next time they meet her she will be living at their dads house. How are the kids suppose to get use to her being around when they will have met her 1-2 times before her and her kid now live with their dad.
I told him that he has not allowed our kids enough time to adjust to her being around and all I get told is that she will be around for a long time, he has not been in this situation and is
Am I being unreasonable to think he has not allowed the kids enough time to adjust and get use to her?
Our eldest still tells me he is sad we don't live together and talks about our old family home. I know we have been separated for 8 months but coming from a divorced family I know it took me a lot longer to adjust to my parents separation/divorce.
I am glad he is happy and moving on and have no desire to try to reconcile with him. I am worried that he has jumped in too fast and our kids will suffer because of it. We lived together for 13 years, he moved to his parents when we separated and only moved into his own place 2-3 weeks ago.
5 Replies
Maybe he means when they became serious they decided to move in together, hence him moving.
it is fast and i feel sorry for you as youll be the one dealing with your kids little hearts. Try to be positive and explain no matter who dad lives with, we are always family and will always love you. One day mummy will meet someone else too, and we'll have even more people around. Make it a good thing as best you can.
OP here - thank you for your comment.
I was told that her moving in was decided in last last week, and that he didn't tell me everything because he didn't want to upset me.
My son refused to even acknowlegde the conversation he and his dad had about meeting dad's new girlfriend. If he would talk about it then I would be positive about her.
It just hurts that he has not fully considered how his actions will effect the kids.
Your concerns are totally valid, in a matter of weeks your kids have gone from staying at their grandparents with their dad to dad moving into a new house, with a new girlfriend and another child in the picture too. They have had no where near enough time to adjust. Your ex and the girlfriend are making some very questionable decisions, especially given that there's children involved, i mean how well would they know each other after such a short time? I'll never get why people move in together so soon!
I think the only thing you can do is help your kids through it, even some mediation might be a good idea!
It's not the way I'd do it to my kids, unfortunately it's not something you have any control over so it's one of those things you have to let go.
It's not right but you can create conflict and tie yourself in knots about it, or just accept it because you don't have any control. Be positive in front of the kids, you're going to have fun at daddy's with so and so..blah blah, you just have to do it for them. Be the reposnsible parent and the soft place to fall when they need you. Good luck xxx