I am about to give birth to my second child and am feeling extremely worried with how I am going to do it all.
My partner is a complete dick most of the time. He works away and he spends all of his time at home either asleep or at the pub.
He doesn't lift a finger around the house and is rather messy. Although, he does have very high standards with how he expects everything.
In all honesty I don't mind doing everything myself when he is away. I cope very well, everything is always done and our days run soothly.
Everything seems so much more difficult when he is home.
He has time off when I am due and he keeps referring to it as his "holiday", this is something that has clearly been getting on my nerves.
I have no friends or family to help, it seems I am also going to have to bring my daughter with my while I give birth, as there will be no one to watch her.
(We have recently moved and I still haven't made any very close friends)
This rant is alittle all over the place, I guess it was more about me getting it out.
13 Replies
What do you mean noone to watch her? wont he be there?
I think its time to stop accepting. Tell him youve had enough and youre about to crack. Its not his holiday, hes home to let YOU rest, and if hes not going to do it, dont take the time off, the last thing you need is extra pressure and anger and a manchild you want to kick snoring his lazy ass off. It will ruin it for you. Youre supposed to be a team. Give him a whip into shape now - expectations around the house and with child one and if he doesnt do it, I would really go and be where youll be supported when you have the baby.
I've really tried not accepting it.
I asked him to help all the time and we have started to fight constantly because of it.
His excuse is that he works away, so that means he can do whatever he wants when he is home.
This includes completely avoiding anything to do with our child.
I love being a mum. My child and I have an amazing bond and his behaviour has resulted in her not really wanting much to do with him.
She is only a few years old.
He has messed with his leave a few times now. At first he had it a month before my due date, so he could make the most of his newborn free time and now after I told him how shitty that was he changed it to the day I am due.
He has no interest in being there for the birth and I don't either.
Even if he was available to watch her I don't think I could let him.
He has never really watched her before besides the odd hour of me running in and doing something and even with that he sooks and complains.
(He is also known to purposely start a fight right before I leave, so i take her with me!)
I'm sorry...but why the fuck are you still with him?!
Why on earth are you having children with this slob?! He's not a father, he's not father material. He's a giant man baby that your caring for.
If he's not interested - why on earth are you?!
I'd be checking out now - get yourself sorted. Move if you have to. You'll be better for it and so would your children!!
You said it yourself- its better when he's away!!
Lovely op I think youve settled for a hard life with an absolute shit uncaring man. I think you know it one on level but you really dont know how bad it is for you and your children and how much happier and lighter you would be without having this is your life.
eventually you will, and you will regret how long you lived with this is your lives, every day it causes more damage and breaks you more, and your children. Its much easier to fix, the younger they are and the less exposure theyve had.
Please take care of yourself, tell your midwife whats going on, get a mental health plan in place, make arrangements where you will be calm and supported. Its really important to your wellbeing to be in a noce environment. You deserve it. You do not deserve this extra stress, conflict and negativity piled onto you daily. You deserve love, respect, support, calm and kindness in your home, thats a basic expectation its not too much to ask.
You say all this yet you are currently pregnant? These posts frustrate me, was the pregnancy planned? It's not working with one kid, so I'll just add another?
I totally agree. It really grinds my gear. Especially when kids are involved. If you accept this behavior and choose to keep having children with a useless man child then why are you complaining? You get to choose who you settle for. I'm sorry my reply isn't helpful at all, and I'm sorry your partner is a dick, but now it's time to put your big girl panties on and make changes that benifit you and your children. Do u want your kids growing up thinking this is what a partnership and father is?
How are comments like this helpful though? I'm sure the OP knows it's not ideal to be bringing another child into this situation but there's little she can do about it now seeing as the child's almost due.
OP, if you're still reading - I think you're at the point that you need to make some important decisions. You can either stay and this will be the way your life remains because your husband doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior, therefore he won't change.
Or, you can separate. Let's be honest, you're already a single mum - you just happen to be raising a self absorbed man child as well as an actual child. I'm not saying leaving would be easy but staying in this unhealthy relationship will eventually destroy your soul.
I would pack my bags and move to where there is support. This is no way to live, and he clearly has no interest in being a dad or partner. Why stay? This isn't the 1800's we have choices!!!
Being single is much much better than putting up with this
You're going to hear so many leave himself when this post gets on to Facebook, please prepare yourself.
You are not doing yourself any favours by remaining with your partner. He sounds like a complete dick and you've said so yourself. You need to go back to where you have support and someone who's able to watch your older child while you labour and give birth. You then need to become a single mum and give your ex supervised visits until he can prove he is a capable parent. You are not his slave and his time off when you give birth is so that you can have support not so he can have a holiday. You are in a relationship and he needs to act like it or ship out. I'm 12 weeks off having my 4 th to my new partner and he works all week and when he's home he helps out where and when he can with the older 3 kids. I did what you're doing for years with my ex and there's no way I'd ever put up with it again. I get why you're staying but there's no way you'll regret ending it especially when you realise how good life can be without someone like him dragging you down.
Are you able to move back to family/friends to get help?
It does sound like you have a lot of decisions to make about your relationship. There are going to be so many unhelpful fb comments on this topic. Only you can decide if this is the life for you and your kids. Perhaps you can get some counselling and/or marriage counselling? Or it is time to move on?
I think you have some pretty hard decisions coming up.
First, the relationship. As it stands it's not worth fuck all, sorry but it's not. I'm not saying give up because we don't know the causes or details, just that he's being quite the dick, but I am saying shit needs to change and he is not going to be the one to initiate these changes because it currently works damn well for him.
Talk about expectations. If this isn't something the two of you can talk about and agree upon see a relationship counsellor. If an agreement still isn't made it's time to call it done. If he was raised by a woman who did everything it has probably never occurred to him that he should do anything, it's all about getting expectations known. Give him a time frame for changes to be in place and stick to it. Don't rely on common sense to prevail, I think we all know how uncommon it is these days.
As for the "holiday" drama. You're already fed up and cranky, it may be innocent but taken out of context. It's not like he's actually gone out booked himself a cruise or a campsite (or is it?). It's called taking holidays so I call them holidays too regardless of what I'm actually doing with the time off. Next week my "holiday" will be wandering aimlessly around a city waiting for my suspension to be repaired - not really bikini and camera worthy but my holiday nonetheless.
If you talk to your midwife or the hospital I've heard a department can offer temporary care for your eldest while you give birth. It's not ideal but it's an option, failing that you could always say where you are and I'm sure an IM would be willing to help?
Ive been in this position, and the 'holiday' isnt innocent. Its him establishing that hes not going to do a fucking thing but think about himself, and they both know its true and it really will be that way. its why shes feeling this stress and overwhelm. Its sad to think the absolute shit we put up with :(
I'm sorry..I'm wondering why your having a second child with this man!!! You really need support..he's supposed to give it by the way! I think your the one that needs higher standards love..I hope you get through this and maybe...move back to your family and friends.