Situation:
I am a step mum to my husband's amazing child, and my husband and I are pregnant with our first child together. My step-daughter lives with her mum full time (we live in different states), and we skype 3 times a week and see her every school holidays.
My husband's ex is also remarried and has another child to her new husband. His ex is a great mum but an absolute terror when it comes to money, and they are asking us to reconsider our verbal agreement to increase what we pay (there are no court orders, and she has a history of cutting contact if not getting the $$ she wants).
We pay child support, we go halves in all her sports & extra curricular activities, and we generally buy her out-of -the-ordinary expenses like a new pair of shoes 3 -4 times a year, winter jackets and new swimmers.
We also send a parcel every six weeks with things she wants, she is 9 so it's pool toys, cheap makeup, specific toys she wants, hair bands, socks, etc.
Question:
I am hesitant to commit to paying more because I earn more than my husband and will soon go on maternity leave. And I don't want his ex and her new husband to rely on extra money from us and then cause a fuss if we can't afford it once I stop working.
I would like to tell them that we will give whatever we can afford each month, and not commit to a locked in amount.
Is this unreasonable to not commit to a specific amount? I know she is an expensive little girl (she does jazz, gymnastics, swimming, netball & hip hop), but I also know we will struggle to commit to an amount once I finish up working, as our expenses can change.
6 Replies
You are already paying more than enough!
Sorry I think you guys are being super nice about this. Id use the CSA calculator to work out what you legally have to pay. Then go from there. I wouldn't agree to paying more than what you are paying at this time.
If things are working now I would keep doing what you are doing :-) You and your husband are paying enough by the sounds of it... I would definitely be reluctant at this time given you are about to finish up working. I'd be very concerned about over committing yourself financially.
I think its not ok to jave no set amount. Id try to settle on something, even if you use the calculatorthen add on her extra curricular costs.
I think I would find out what he HAS to pay, and then work out whether you are paying more than that or not. If you're paying under then your partners ex is actually being quite awesome asking for the private agreement to be increased, she could very easily just go CSA collect and you will have no choice in what you pay. And it will be very hard to stop the care packages if you have to pay full child support, the daughter will be a bit devastated. So definitely find out if you are better or worse off at the moment.
We already have the CS deducted from Hubby's pay cheque, so everything we pay privately is on top of that. I just know little Miss's mum is very money oriented, and don't want to commit to an amount that she starts banking on, which then might not be possible for us to keep paying when I go on maternity leave, as she tends to get angry about $$ and starts doing silly things like cutting phone calls, but don't want to be stingy either. I think we have decided we will agree to a lower amount, and while I'm still working we will give more on top of our agreed amount while we can afford it. We want our girl to be well provided for and never want to be stingy, but we have a household to look after as well.
I know it's hard, well done for what you do ❤️
Yes I am the single mum who has to do section 8's child support!,every two years,I work full time to provide for our children,my ex is manager of his family trust,so can hide most income,
Wow that is a lot of things to commit to paying for?
I would be great full for just one of those,your are amazing to support your step kids x