Hello, I have 2 twin girls that are almost 3yo. My ex-partner and i have since seperated and I have been seeing a wonderful man for the past 6months who the children adore. I see him as such a wonderful dad and a very family oriented man. He has had children himself but they are much older now (17&21) my question is should we or shouldnt we have a child together? It is hard for me to decided what i want due to i really want to have another child but if we did we would not get as much "quality time" together. He sees both my children as his own almost as they love him and treat him as "dad". But to me i feel as though one more child would be beautiful to have. We have both talked about it and both see eye to eye woth being stuck on what decision to make. I woukd love anyones input or thoughts. Thankyou!
Should we consider having a child?
Should we consider having a child?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler, Kids
12 Replies
Why do you have to decide now? It's only 6months. It takes a good 12 months for people to show there true colours.
Reassess in 12 months
You have only been together 6 months why is that even a discussion? You don't even truly know each other yet. Take your time focus on the current children you do have and get to know each other! There's no need to rush.
I would enjoy what you have. You have two three years olds And somehow you can fit in a great relationship - enjoy it!! its only six months in i would not be adding a pregnancy to any man at that point. Theres not negatives about waiting another year and a half - 2 year relationship, security, life together established, girls 3 years old, four when bub comes, win win all round.
Your support network would have a big influence on the decision too, I mean its not what you want but you have to consider what if you end up single, will you be ok.
I agree that six months is early but I like to plan and i would probably be thinking about these things too. As I get older, I wouldn't waste my time dating someone I couldn't see (or plan) a future with.
I think go for it. You'd never regret a child you DID have, but say you don't and you'll always be wondering what if...
That is completely untrue. Lots of people regret the children they have, why do you think so many are in foster care?
I think most cases you plan to have subsequent children, you aren't going to regret imo. Maybe a planned first but second/third time around, you know what you're in for... and if you plan that, then I highly doubt you'll regret it. So for this situation I feel like that is true. Thanks.
It's not my opinion. It's a fact. A lot of people really do regret the kids they have whether it's their first child or 3rd. If you Google "I regret my children" there are tons of articles, websites and posts where many parents share their stories. I have a friend who regrets her third, she had two boys then a girl and wishes she had just stopped after her boys. Saying "You won't regret the children you have" could possibly be true, but not always. I don't think we should be pushing that onto someone as an excuse to have a child with someone she has barely known for much time at all.
I hate that saying too. I know a number of people that in private admit they regret having kids. Not just people who stopped at one.
They were not just people with only children.
Definetly would regret the situation youend up in withnumber of kids and dads if youre planning based on having your partner, not your own wants.
Be careful who you bring into your children's lives, after six months they should not see him as dad, you have only been together such a short time and it could all fall apart. Protect their hearts and I absolutely don't think you should be discussing children at this point.
By the sounds neither of you are completely sold on the idea. If you're both not 1000% sure that you want to add to your family, then simply don't.
None of us can tell you what to do one way or another.
Read the article 7 up from this one...."what's wrong with me?" It's early days, please be cautious amd don't do anything permanent at this time.