My husband's family and I have had a falling out to the point where I wanted to break up with my husband or kill myself it was that bad. Since then I have had help and went on anti depressants and finally felt better to try and mend the relationship. It was mainly between the mother and I but everyone seem to get involved and stopped talking to me or saying things about me. I sent her a letter about all the upsetting things she had said to me and done and we have seen each other twice since then, so we are slowly mending it and I'm been off my medication for ages now. We are onto our 3rd child which I'm about to have in 4 weeks by c section and I've heard through hubby that his family has invited themselves over to our place for Christmas to stay over which means we will have 18 + people at our place. They haven't asked they have just said that's what's happening they are quite pushy. My husband has just said I'm going to concentrate on my baby for now hoping it goes away. I'm not comfortably having them all here and the way they have gone about it. My anxiety has gone up and I'm feeling like I'm getting into that hole again and I've worked so hard to get out. If I say anything or hubby say anything I'm going to be the bad guy again.
4 Replies
Here's how I'd deal..
1. Call mother in law, ask what she's bringing to Christmas so you know what to cater... that'll instantly make her bring a plate...or phrase it like "hubby and I had a chat, and we've cleared some room to make sure everyone is able to sleep comfortably, but we don't have enough bedding, can everyone please bring a pillow and a blanket? The only other issue we have is there isn't enough room in our fridge for heaps of food, would we be able to store some things in your fridge?"
Make it clear your "happy" to have them over - even if your house isn't adequate. These small things may niggle at her and she may change the venue to her house.
I'd call her about 4 weeks before Christmas. Apart from that, you've been given heaps of warning about the event, so that's plenty of time to get your anxiety under control and tell hubby what's Going through your head, then after Christmas I'd be setting boundaries. Things like no texting to communicate. Call instead! Make yourself 'unavailable' for certain events next year that may trigger you and leave you feeling taken advantage of. For instance, go on a weekend away with hubby and the kids for Mother's Day :-) somewhere cheap and fun!
Hmm, maybe they thought it make it an easy Christmas for you? I.e. you won't have to drive anywhere , just stay home. We had drive around to family Christmases with a 3 week old, it makes it easier to be home .
Definitely insist they do the majority of catering, and it might sound tacky but I'd get paper plates etc to keep it easy.
Your husband can also take the responsibility of organising everything.
But most of all - just focus on now :)
I have anxiety and that just wouldnt be ok for me. Husband has to step up and say wifes just had a baby and her wellbeing comes first so she gets a free pass on hosting a massive family christmas this year - that should be obvious.
Nah fuck that shit! They've all been trash talking you, then tell you that you have to host all of them???? No, just no.
Hubby needs to decide who is his priority... His immediate family (his wife and kids), or these other rude wankers....