Hey guys. Bit long winded. Sorry in advance. I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my 4th baby (unplanned) & im petrified. My husband had major spinal surgery within weeks of finding out & we found out when I was already 8 weeks along. He hasn't worked this whole time & I was enrolled in uni so decided since no one would hire me being pregnant I should keep at that at least. We had just moved cities to be near his dr, surgeon and family as he wanted that and felt he needed that. I am almost finished my last subject for now before I go on leave from study for 6 months. My husband has been very depressed during this time as he hasn't been able to support us & we had really struggled financially. We have a massive amount of debt & a company involved & it mate end up that he goes bankrupt & liquidates it. He isn't coping with this at all. He abused the crap out of me yesterday blaming me for everything that has gone wrong because I looked after the books. He made all the decisions even against my advice - I just executed the paper work side of things - he can't even use email. I always supported him & believed in him & even went against my own judgment at times because he always aid all he ever needed was someone to believe in him. And he had the hide to tell me I never supported him. I completely broke down & cancelled a BBQ that was being baited for us to celebrate the impending birth of our baby because he was so brutal with me I honestly didn't know what the next few days would bring. Plus my son got sent home with suspected gastro (wasn't though) so u didn't wanna leave it till the last minute to cancel & let everyone down. I've been so anxious I can't even eat - I know I need to be happy for my babies sake & my other kids & im trying but I have a near suicidal husband who is being just horrible & have just cancelled an event we really needed to help us get our head in the game for this baby. My family are all suggesting (and even some of his and some friends) that's we love back to our home town & near my family so we have more support with the baby & can cut our living costs. Rent here is so expensive but he is in restricted duties at work & doesn't think he could find appropriate work in our home town. I think that's a load of crap & wish he would start to think about what's best for all of us, not just him and his job. We have followed him and his job for 10 years & are now worse off than when we met & are starting again, from a deep deep hole. I don't even know what I'm asking. I just guess I'm needing some hope to come from someone. I'm struggling to pick myself up here.
Need advice and some guidance
Need advice and some guidance
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Pregnancy, Money
1 Replies
1. Congrats on being pregnant.
2. You need to eat.
3 sort your finances - with or without hubby's help.
- do you have any health insurance? Insured for any loss in wage? Home and contents? Anything that covers loss of wages?
- are you recieveing anything from Centrelink ? If not, start!
- can you work at all? Even from home? Anything branching on what you've just studied? Any money at all would be a great start.
4. Is hubby able to stay at home independently and watch your other children? Once babies born you may need to return to work after maternity leave just to support the house. Having hubby home would help if he looks after the children so daycare isn't an added cost.
5. Is hubbies injuries enough to withdraw super?? Your super may be able to help here, even if it's not heaps.
6. Is moving an option? Same town but cheaper house? Cheaper rent or cheaper mortgage?
7. Is selling a car an option? Quick injection of cash can help square up finances but only if you can live with one car. With both of you at home It may be more practible. Especially if public transport in your area is adequate.
8. Can you enlist the help of a business advisor? Maybe get the business back on track? That way hubby won't argue as someone with more experience is calling the shots and making all the decisions...he just has to work.
You've dug yourself out before and you can do It again, just look at the bigger picture.
Hubby doesn't have the right to blame you for a business failing, it's both your fault if anything as your both a partnership. If one fails, you both fail.
God luck bringing baby earth side, I'm sure you'll be fine and you sound strong and gentle natured, you can do this...you've got this!