So I feel like I am stuck in this huge rut, that I don't know how to get out of. I'm married with 3 children (6yo, 3yo, 1yo). I have been a SAHM for 6 years and it is getting to me. I am no longer the 'fun mum' I used to be. On my fb the 'memories' are starting pop up and I look at the photos of a year or 2 ago, where I used to take the kids to the park, the beach everyday and enjoy it and now I just stay home most of the time. My days consist of driving the kids around, to school, to dance lessons, to swimming lessons. I take my eldest to school each day, and that is the only reason I get showered, dressed and out the door each morning. I just feel like I am living in groundhog day and stuck in such a huge hole. I have completly lost who I am before I had kids. I have no job, not studying, no hobbies or interests. I just feel my life is so boring and mundane. I have nothing to look forward to. I am so tired all the time, even though I go to bed early. I don't even think it's that i'm tired, I think I am just so unmotivated all the time. The house work is piling up. The laundry is piling up. I just feel like I'm drowning under it all. I can't justify a cleaner, as I'm home everyday. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and love being a mum. I just feel like I completely lost myself along the way and become so unhappy. My husband works hard 6 days a week, so I am on my own with the kids all week. I can't afford to put the kids in daycare and after-school care, as it is rediculously expensive, and double that for having 2 kids is daycare. I don't get any time to myself. I haven't had 5 minutes to myself in forever!! No social events (that don't include the kids), no hair-dresser, nothing. I just feel like such a frumpy, boring mum and person at the moment. Completely not who I used to be. I used to take such pride in my apperance. Now it's just the 'mum bun' with grey hairs and no make-up look, I'm rocking at the moment. I want to study, but have no idea what interests me and what to study. I wouldn't even know the first thing about applying to uni. I don't know if I would be any good at uni, as it's been a while since I finished high school. Does anyone else feel like they get stuck in a mum-rut? How do you get out? Is there light at the end on the groundhog day tunnel? Please help!! :-)
4 Replies
I seem to get this each time around the 1 year mark after having my babies. I think because you've spent the past year focusing on the littlest one and by 12 month mark you really start to feel the effects of not putting effort into yourself.
I find putting effort into my physical appearance helps heaps with my mental health. Even if it's a bath at 11 at night when the kids finally go to bed, $2 face mask from target and some candles. I try and do something like this once a week. Or a long af shower and body scrub, cheap hair treament ect
Something as simple as that is enough to recharge my batteries.
If you can afford it, find a hairdresser or go get your nails done occasionally.
Would a gym membership interest you? Could you do that at night when the kids go down or mornings before your hubby goes to work? The gym would be amaze for mental health too but I know that's not always easy with kids.
Just making small steps each week to spend a bit of time on you for yourself will do you wonders. Doesn't have to be huge, start small.
I could have written this myself!
I've felt this big time ! Down to the Mum bun ;) my kids are 6,4,2 ! I think it's a phase and it's almost a preparation for the next phase . Getting you to think about what you want and like and discover new things . I was quite upset not long ago about feeling I'd lost my old self but I'm coming to realize that the truth is that person has changed ! Everything is different ! And that that is actually ok . What's important now is finding me in the now . What do I enjoy now ? What do I feel is missing and how do I fix that ?
Start small cos fitting new things in can be hard with young ones . Try a few small things e.g. Do your nails (will be surprised how good u feel when u do it ;) ) ask a friend to watch ur little ones while u go get a hair cut ! , light a nice smelling candle or diffuse some essential oils of smells that you love (can be really uplifting ) , but yourself some flowers to brighten ur table (honestly the first time I did this I felt guilty but now I just say stuff it it really helps ;) - I don't pay top dollar just the bunches from ALDI hehe but they are fresh and pretty ) , try read a book , or watch a movie during nap time for ur littlest ones , or try hard to go to the park when it's sunny even if it's just 1/2 hour .... if ur like me getting help with the kids can be hard so getting alone time is next to impossible but when u allow yourself to spend a bit of time just on you while ur littlies watch on can start making a big difference . Life continues to change and shift and you grow and change with it . Try to view it as a journey . Learn , enjoy , experience it for what it is .
Ps the house work won't go away for a while yet once the kids are old enough to help then maybe it will be easier !??? But for now close the door and do what you can ! Your doing it best mumma