Me and my husband have just been asked properly by his son (12.5yo) if he can come and live with us. He has been wanting to for a few years now and we have no problem with him coming and living with us but just wanting to find out at what age children are considered old enough to make the choice themselves?? I also don't want a big fight with his BM even thought I know it will happen but also looking for ways to talk to her about it without it getting ugly for the poor boy. He desperately wants to spend time with his dad. Just looking for a little advice thanks in advance.
How old is considered old enough to choose witch parent to live with.
How old is considered old enough to choose witch parent to live with.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
7 Replies
Legally, 8 in nsw.
Morally...when the child is old enough to weigh up the pros and the cons themselves.
I was put in front of a judge at 8 years old (in 2000) and I explained to the judge where I wanted to live and why. My brothers did the same. Given our pervious living situations and our "roots" the judge granted all our wishes, even though it meant us splitting up for good. Even though we still visited each other every school holidays.
As long as son can explain why, and his thoughts and reasonings and you and his dad can explain what is "expected" when he moves then I'd say now is the time.
Set ground rules now so everyone knows what's expected, not a big thing like "you must do xyz" but something like "we'd love you to live with us, and we want to help you with homework, schooling to continue and we obviously want you to help with chores. Etc. but you may already have this is place as son has obviously been visiting.
I'd suggest dad talk to bm. Just say he's been wanting to come and live with me, he's asked if he can and I/we want him too, I know it's a big thing but your welcome to visit and he's still welcome to visit, but it's what he wants, so I thought I'd let you know.
Best of luck and hope it all works out.
Thank you. We really do just want him to be happy and to just do the right thing by him. Distance might make it hard for BM but distance is what he is also wanting from the current family situation. And also to be with his father.
I think hes old enough to be considered but I also think theparents need to respect each other.
Ive done all the hard yards ans if my kids decide they want to go live with their dad when theyre teens to get away from me and he takes it, Ill be devastated. He had better say 50/50 is all unless we negotiate it another way together, because thats fair theyre still my children and its actually him not taking the 50% hes always been entitled to, leaving me to do the hard parenting and him being the fun one thats setting up the situation to go like that, its quite unfair to do to the other parent.
If my son up and left to live with his dad at 12, after all these years with me, I would be devastated and gutted beyond belief. Please be kind/gentle to the mum, hope this never happens to me, I shudder to think about it.
I think he shouldn't have the right to step in and take full time after you've raised him for that long. Imagine being told I'll take it from here 'you can visit him' oh no.
How is it any different for how dad has been feeling?
Dad has always had the option to coparent and have 50/50. Just because he chose not to does not mean he is allowed to impose an absent parenting style on a mother that has raised her child.