I'm so conflicted. Baby number two has been on my mind a lot lately. For a long while it was, gosh I hope that one day I took my pill an hour late doesn't screw me over! Now it's more along the lines of thinking into the future. My son is now 7months old and hubby and I havebeen debating number two. I have alwys thought 18 months is a good age gap but he says he thinks we should wait until he's one to have the conversation.
Now, he has come around and bascially said whatever I want to do, since I'm a SAHM and the one who would be pregnant and all that.
I personally don't want to wait until our son is one to begin trying as he will be two or more by the time the second baby is born and I don't want there to be jealousy or for him to act out because he feels like he needs to for attention. That just seems like an added stress we wouldn't need, plus terrible twos and a newborn?! Makes me cringe just thinking about it. 18 months difference seems good to me since he'll be a year and a half old when bub is born, so hes old enough to get excited but not protective over us as his parents?
We always said we wanted them close and we agreed eighteen months difference but now that, that is only two months away, I'm torn. I want to so badly but also, I'm hesitant about being pregnant. Probably more the fact that it mkes me feel selfish towards my son even thinking about it.
So beautiful ladies, opinions from both sides of the fence?
18 months or 21+ month age gap baby #2
18 months or 21+ month age gap baby #2
Posted in:
Pregnancy
7 Replies
I like a three year age gap. Three year olds are so much more independent than two year olds, are usually toilet trained and not having bottles etc. they can play more independently and just generally less needy and clingy than two year olds. They are old enough to get a snack out of the cupboard while you are Breastfeeding. They usually have some coping skills and serious sleep issues have usually settled down by that age.
I decided when I was pregnant with our son that I wanted him to be toilet trained before a second.came.along... then after I had our son (who had a congenital condition- nothing serious but enough to make him uncomfortable and extremely irritated) I decided.I was never going to so it to myself again! Our son is now 11 1/2 months and hubby keeps talking about number two! I am definitely not ready to have another one yet but am becoming open to a second in the future. I guess my point is, its a very personal thing. I have a friend who is 24 (almost 25) with a 2yr old, a 1yr old and a newborn (she's either crazy or supermum, I haven't decided lol) and while I know I'd be in a psychiatric ward if that was me, having then so close was the right decision for her and her family.
Realistically 6months difference is only a lot while they're really young, as they grow older the 6months will be neither here nor there.
Going by the experiences of others (since I am one and done at the moment), I have seen some very stressed out parents with small age gaps. 18 months isn't much more than a baby, often still waking overnight and napping in the day (so you have to sync those up), not old enough to understand that they need to be quiet while bub is sleeping and not old enough to understand that baby isn't replacing them so often act out as they don't have the language skills to express themselves.
That said, kids with a small age gap can be closer (relationship-wise) earlier as their stages aren't as removed from each other.
Just another perspective.
Ive got a 24mth and 22mth age gaps and I find it great. 18mths is still very young as they do struggle with the whole concept of a new brother/sister I found closer to 2 they were that much more independent with each month that passes. My sister has a 18mth gap and it definately seemed much tougher for her going to 2 kids than my 24mth age gap was. Hers were very clingy to her as her oldest didn't like sharing his mum whereas my 2yr old was fine with it. Closer to 2 they can articulate what they want better, start to talk and you can reason with them more so than an 18mth old.
I've also seen 3yr gap and find that similar to the 18mth gap, they are more jealous than a 2yr old is, having mum and dad to themselves for 3 whole years.
If dad can be a big help with the older one like doing bath times, getting dressed etc before the baby arrives I think that makes the transition easier as the older one isn't as put out when the mum can't do it.
Also terrible 2's is just a phrase people use. From my experience it starts around 14mths and at 18mths it can be at its peak (we've got a 20mth old atm and she's a defiant little bugger, currently pregnant with our 4th so trying to knock it out of her quick smart). Also there's the terrible 3's, terrible 4's and terrible 5's I'm not sure if it ever stops, lol although as they get older the terrible-ness is easy to defuse than 18mth old.
I would have personally preferred a 3+ age gap however things didn't work out that way and we now have an 18 month age gap. It's hard at the start but things fall into place as they did the first time around. The reason I would have preferred a bigger gap is so that there weren't 2 in nappies, napping, one would nearly be starting kinder, it would be easier to explain to the older one what was happening and including them more. However the smaller gap has its benefits too! In the end it's up to you, you guys are the one doing the parenting just be grateful you have the option to choose :)
My brother and I have a 6 year gap. We were never jealous of each other and he is my best friend:) my children have a gap of 28 months (my friend has a gap of 16 months I believe)...let me just say I am not coping very well with two, my friend has said she is REALLY not coping at all (hers have had a few issues like colic too and been run down).BUT that doesn't mean someone else with a small gap is copping well. My best advice is if you are unsure, to wait it out a little. If my first couldn't do things for herself, I would be mentally and physically worn down more then I am. I'm talking about her walking by herself, understand to hold my hand, knowing how to get her plate and cups and pack away toys, knows when it's bed time and goes to sleep, helps with the baby. The only downside is she is going through the terrible twos. What ever you decide to do, good luck xx