Hi, I'm after some advice please. I have just told my boyfriend who is 28 that I'm 7 weeks pregnant. He has 2 children to a previous relationship. He is verbally and mentally and at times physically abusive.
He became extremely angry and told me to fix this, he wants me to get an abortion. I am 40 with 3 teenage children. I want to keep this baby but he has put a sees of doubt in my mind to go through with what he wants. He is worried about me being too old to have a child and what am I going to do about income etc. I work fulltime salary at the moment. I am just lost and confused. Sorry 😔 Thankyou for any advice and feedback though.
Keep the baby or not?
Keep the baby or not?
Posted in:
Pregnancy
12 Replies
As a person that believes in choice I can't tell you which way to decide but you need to take this dickhead out of the equation either way.
Make this choice based on what you want.
This is a very personal decision but as a social worker I work a lot with women in domestic violence relationships and often partners can become more violent when their partners are pregnant, it can be a high risk time. Given he is already violent aswell. I encourage you to talk to a counsellor who can talk to you about your options. Only you can decide but you need to think about your safety and your unborn baby's safety!! Take care x
My advice is to look at what youve written. Youre arguing with him on the points about income and age, what about the fact hes Abusive? Why are you in this relationship and bringing a baby into it? Please seek counselling. My advice is to go forward without him, it doesnt get easier its gets harder.
You're 40 years old (I am around same age) and you are with and getting pregnant to an abusive 28 year old, wtf? Your kids are teenagers, they are learning from you about relationships, for gods sake get rid of him.
As for the baby, you do what you want. You're an experienced mother, you know what it's all about, if you want to have this baby, have it and understand you will do it alone. Don't let an abusive man child make you doubt yourself, you are raising three teenagers, you are strong and capable. I'm sure your older kids would love a little baby around the house, you do you!
You need to get out of this relationship. If your initial feelings were to keep the baby, keep the baby. But whatever you do, you need to end the relationship.
Dont let him pressure you into something you don't want to do.
This comes from someone who is pro-abortion. I just don't think you want one.
Regardless of what you do decide you need to fuck this loser off out of your life. I know you want this baby, think though if you want to be tied to this asshole for the next 19 years. If you live that long. It's a heart breaking call and what you do will be 100% what you decide is best for you. If it were me I would abort.
Kelly here, from The Imperfect Mum team - and I think you need support asapÂ
Have posted your question early in the line and I hope it helps!Â
https://www.facebook.com/Theimperfectmum/posts/1675940115805945
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xKellyÂ
Really, a baby is a joint decision to bring into a relationship. You both should be (and ARE) responsible for this, but what's done is done & obviously neither of you were serious about contraception, so have to deal with what's happened. However, you need to carefully consider what to do now. If you have your own full-time salary, teenagers, & 40yrs of life experience. I don't know why you're with a 28yr old abusive boyfriend ??! He needs to go, period. And Personally I don't think a baby is a good choice or event for you at this time & stage & circumstances of your life. Consider all the ramifications & changes & etc it will do to you, & consider what everyone else has said similarly too!
Are you planning on staying with this awful person? He is mentally, verbally and physically abusive and also trying to force you to get an abortion...do your teenage children witness this behaviour?
Honey I think you should leave this person and move on with your life without him!!! He will become worse.
Terminate the relationship for sure. Its lust not love.
The baby however which way you look at it will cause you greif and either way will have good times. Terminating is hard to live with. It leaves soo many questions in your head. Sometimes you get good days where you stop thinking about it and you feel good about life then you have days where you cant get out of bed.
The same will be with a new born but different questions and regrets. You will have this man linger in your life forever unless you can move and never see him again. You also have your other kids to consider. Being a Mum of teenagers is hard work in itself. Rewarding too. You are coming into an amazing phase in your life. There are good times to be had. Then if you do raise this kid alone you will forever wonder if maybe he would change once he sees the baby. Always questions.. go with your gut and go strong. See a counselor and do what is right for you and the baby and your grown babies.
As a person with two beautiful boys who I love dearly, to a horrible abusive man, my advice is abort. This man has every right to my children (he does not contribute emotionally or financially to their upbringing that's why I say MY) and every time I hand them over to him, or he disappoints them I feel guilty that I gave them this father.
He is a fucking arsehole. You said you want to keep the baby. Your body, your baby, your choice. You've got this mama and you will be amazing. He can get fucked. This was my life 25 years ago and I went through with the abortion and it ruined my life