For years I've suffered from different levels of depression, sometimes coping, sometimes not. At the moment I am at major level. I feel like a failure and am at breaking point. I've no idea what to do.
I have 2 children aged 4 & 6. Generally they're good kids. Lately they've become so naughty. No amount of discipline is making any difference. We've cancelled their birthday party due to bad behaviour. Has done nothing. I get so anxious taking them anywhere as I feel if they do one naughty thing everyone is looking and judging.
To add to my depressive state, a few months ago I found that my husband has been exchanging messages with women. Some sexual. Some talking badly about me and our lack of intimacy. We had a massive fight (not something we do often) and then talked. He apologised. He says he won't do it again. I do believe him however I can't bring myself to fully trust him again.
Most of the time I feel I don't know who I am anymore. All I want to do is sleep or cry or drink, all of which aren't possible with little ones. I've zero motivation nor desire to do anything.
Something needs to change but I've no idea where to start or how to turn things around.
I've been seeing a psychologist and am also on antidepressants.
Would love to hear from anyone who may have been in similar situation and how you got out of the rut??
1 Replies
Hugs, parenting can be hard hey?
It sounds like you're taking a bit of the wrong approach in terms of disciplining the kids. They're young, so they need immediate discipline not something that will occur in the future. Taking away their birthday party will do nothing as it's after the fact. By the time it comes they don't care about what they did 2, 3, 10 weeks ago so it has no effect. Essentially taking something away doesn't do much because they can just use something else and it becomes a game. Try a different approach, such as a time out corner. Place them in the time out corner for X amount of time, letting them know why they are in there. If they try and come out of it, just take them back and repeat over and over until they follow through with it. Even get a timer and put it there so they can see how long they have to be in there for before they are allowed out. Make them apologise for whatever the behaviour was or at least have them acknowledge what they've done wrong. Also, make sure to choose your battles and only punish behaviour that really should be punished. If you are consistently on their back about something like don't do this, don't do that (particularly in public where of course they'll be more exited) they are going to be disrespectful because they just can't have any fun. Try and stimulate them, so if you're at the shops get them involved. Make a list with them before you go and give them a basket each and they each have to get certain items and help you to find them.
It's great that you've spoken to your husband and he has said he won't do it again, however of course it is hard to trust again. Has he agreed to being an open book? Can you check his phone when you like and will you know where he is? Have you sorted out the lack of intimacy issues? Depression can be a huge factor in having no sexual interest, it can be hard for all parties involved. Sometimes our state of mind brings other people down, particularly those closest to us because we shut off. It sounds like he was seeking comfort from someone else because he doesn't know how to approach the situation.
I need to say, the change starts with you massively. You're seeing a psychologist and on medication which is great, but only if you are making a conscientious effort to improve as well. Have you been given coping mechanisms/homework from your psych? Are you following through with them? Are you doing anything that makes you happy? Do you need help with the kids? Because it is OKAY to ask for help. It does not make you lesser of a person. Have you considered visiting an outpatient centre and working through some group sessions? You can go as frequently as you like and it is a great way to see that there are other people in the same situation as you and you can also make some great friends who will be your support!