I have Miss 11 and Mr 7. Miss 11 has a "Dad" she doesn't see. Mr 7's dad has stepped up as miss 11's stepdad. I'm not with either father. My partner and I have been together 5 years now. My problem is Mr 7's dad (call him d2) is dead set on moving states. We tried his family's home town while we were together. After 8 months the lack of support, inability for me to get a job and finally a few other bigger problems i won't go into as they don't have anything to do with this, we split and I moved states back to my home town, where my family and his friends live.
He wants to move back. Miss 11 is against it as her friends, family and school are here. Mr 7 seems to think it will like when his family comes up for holidays. All fun and games.
My partners family is all here too. My family and friends and my support network. My very good job... i only miss a couple of hours with my kids during the week and NEVER work weekends. I get one week of each school holidays off to spend time with them. I like my co-workers. I like my kids school. I like their friends.
My 3 questions are:
1) would you even consider moving?
2) if yes, how would you go about lessening the impact on both kids?
And 3) if no, how would you explain to a stubborn headed person who has on multiple occasions ignored your preferences in favour of his own (rejected for his own after agreeing with mine) that it is not an ideal situation?
2 Replies
1. Nope, never.
3. Say it pretty much the way you just said it.
Calmly and rationally - No because
. Children are happy
. We are settled
. I have a job that works around kids
. Miss 11 is settled and due to start high school ect soon
. Mr 7 doesn't comprehend the idea properly
. My partner doesn't want to leave
. Family here
BUT give the positives - we will visit, children can stay when you'd nit working so able to spend quality time.
I would think about this, what if he moves and your 7 goes to live with him. So I would see that you are completely set up and happy there but I would be giving it serious thought as to whether you could create a life there. After all it sounds like dad has stepped up and deserves what you have too, at least for some of the time.
and of course dont jump into anything, tell him once hes moved and settled and definitely staying then youll start making it real. Leave it in his court and see what he does.