Hi all I need some advice pls. I have an almost 10 year old boy who is refusing to go to his dads. We have been separated since he was 2.5. I have a daughter who is 7 and she is happy to go. But my son has been crying and is refusing 😔 He has been clashing with his dad and is not happy when he's there. I have been encouraging him to go but he is asking how old he has to be before he can say he doesn't want to go. I don't know what to do 😔 I don't want to send him kicking and screaming or crying. Has anyone has any experience with this? What age can a child say they don't want to go? Pls no negative comments I always encourage him to go. I'm just at a loss of what to do
6 Replies
Can you talk to the dad? Is he being reasonable about the situation? My nephew has just started family therapy in order to get past this kind of situation. It's basically his and him with a psychologist once a fortnight. I'd suggest this to his dad.
It shows you are trying to repair the situation and maintains relationship with his dad, even if your son is refusing to go.
His dad won't talk to me about it he just says he has to come and it's not up to him as he is a child. It's not his decision 😔 So I basically have to force him to go.
His dad won't talk to me about it he just says he has to come and it's not up to him as he is a child. It's not his decision 😔 So I basically have to force him to go.
Personally, if his dad is an ok dad, I would explain that he can never choose not to see him, but that youre sad that he feels that way now and want to help him fix it, because his relationship with his dad is important. I just think what would I do if it was me and their dad let them just never see me.
I'd try and get to the bottom of the conflict between them, try and find out what is causing them to clash.
It may be as simple as his dad is more strict or expects more from him than you do or sometimes dads think they need to be harder on their sons as they get older. It may be nothing other than clashing personalities.
Keep encouraging him to go and maybe keep encouraging dad to be a bit more sensitive to your sons needs.
Clashing with his dad how? Why?
My only advice is to talk to his dad, and include your son in the conversation.
I split with my husband 3 years ago. We did shared care with n problems. My 12 year old got into trouble at my house and was grounded and lost his phone, Xbox etc. because of this, he called me when he was supposed to return to my house and said he decided to stay at his dad's perminatly. My ex refused to discuss the reasons why and said he could chose where he wants to stay.
It literally broke my heart. Now my son thinks he can play us both for fools. If he's in trouble at dad's, he says he's moving back in with me. His dad has allowed this mindset to happen by allowing him to not come home.