Moving on and trying to ease some guilt. I need to find away to apologise to my ex's ex.
I have written a letter recently but haven't sent it. Do you think it's an odd thing to do? I want to apologise for all the hurt I caused her and her children by encouraging my ex to try and fight for custody again. I now find myself on the other side and I couldn't be more sorry for the pain I know I caused her. I feel I need to tell her just how sorry I am. Is this strange or is it ok to send the letter?
Letter ok to send?
Letter ok to send?
Posted in:
Life Lessons
7 Replies
Personally, I think you need to leave her alone, she deserves to be able to move on in peace.
You need to have a good, honest think about your motives here. Are you wanting to apologize because you're genuinely remorseful or do you only wish to apologize because it will make you feel better now that you can actually empathize?
Either way, I don't think your apology will mean much to her. The sentiment is there I just don't really think it's the right move.
You'd be better to put your energy into your own personal struggles you're currently facing.
Just to add, this wasn't meant to sound harsh.
I also think you need to find a way to let go of your guilty feelings. They aren't doing you or the Ex any good, we all have done things we regret or things we aren't particularly proud of - it's part of being human.
Some counselling might be a good idea for you too!
I think sometimes when we apologise in these situations we can cause more hurt and trigger bad memories and emotions.
I think a great apology is leaving her in peace to get on with her life.
Maybe when you are in a good place donate something to a DV support group or get involved in volunteering.
I agree with the others. She will see it and think oh surprise, that b*!@h has finally learnt. But youre still the b that put her family through hell, the fact youre now going through shit so youve finally learnt your lesson, doesnt change what shes been through. Its actually just more drama from her ex that she wants to get rid of. Move on and learn for next time.
Please don't send it. Let her and the kids move on. Sort through your guilt in a way that does not involve her.
I think you posted the letter on here recently? I apologise if that was a different poster.
I think it's completely understandable how you are feeling however i don't think sending it is the right thing to do.
She has had a hard time with the ex same as you have, she would be either in or completed the job of moving on. Sending her the letter, as nice as the idea behind it is, will just bring it all back.
Let her move on with her life now.
I think perhaps you want to send it to validate your reasons and make her not hate you for what you did but honestly I doubt she hates you, she would know how convincing your ex was and that you thought you were doing the right thing.
Having you contact her will just make her relive it. And also for yourself how will you feel if you get no response? Or if you get a nasty response?
It sounds like you want to contact her to validate and explain your feelings so you feel better but I don't think you'll get that outcome.
If you haven't already perhaps some counseling may help you come to terms with what's happened
Good luck IM you've got this!!
Is she still dealing with the ex? Do you both have children to him and have to share custody with him? If so, then maybe a simple note asking her if she would like to meet up. If so, perhaps you can support each other in some wierd sisterhood kind of way xx
Hi!
I think yes! Send the letter.
I was in your exs ex position when he remarried. The woman made my life hell. Years later they got divorced and she reached out to me. I'm so glad she did. We are now best friends.
I also know I appreciate her apology so much. So definitely send the letter :)