I am really in need of some assistance, support and advice.
My son age 9 was diagnosed with ADHD in 2015. This was was after many attempts to have him assessed and people just kept saying that he was energetic and had an outgoing personality.
It finally felt as though we had an answer for his behaviour. Things started to improve he started to have friends again. Last year he had the best school year yet. The teacher was amazing and so supportive. We had no issues.
At the start of this year, I explained to the teacher how important communication was and that we would like to be kept informed of how things are progressing at school, so that we could continue reenforcing the same message at home. The teacher agreed. Needless to say that it is now June and we have only been informed of things after the fact (like 2-4 weeks later) if at all. A few weeks back we sent an email to the teacher to ask how everything was going, she advised that my son was going great but insinuated that there were issues going on in the background but would not elaborate other than to say that they are working really hard. Last week he received a student award citing a huge improvement in behaviour. It's feels like we are back to square one again. 1 close friend, no invites to birthday parties.
I am extremely disappointed as I feel as though the teacher and the school have let my child down.
Is it normal to have only 1 good year out of 4 at primary school where the teacher is engaging and supportive and understanding? We have experienced some pretty average teachers in the other years. In prep the teacher told me that she did not think that my child had ADHD or anything, that he was just a naughty child, in year 1 the teacher told me that she had never had a student who was consistently so naughty.
My husband and I are arguing over it because I want to change my son's school as I do not think that this is the right fit for him, but my husband is adamant that we are not changing because the same things will continue to happen because we are not going to get great teachers all the time.
2 Replies
Your husband is right, but it isn't a nice feeling hey? There are definitely other schools that could offer more support though, it sounds like this school isn't providing the correct one for him.
The problem is, the emails you send probably get seen in the evening, when the teacher is home. She isn't obliged to reply when she is out of school hours and then probably just doesn't remember to reply the next day and so on. Or she is just interested in coming to work, doing her job and heading home. Maybe you could ask the teacher that say every second Monday (not Friday as she will definitely want to rush home) you could come in for a meeting after school just to touch base. Or meet him at the classroom for pickup and have a quick chat to her every so often. I'd also call a meeting with the principal and have a look at why your son is back to where he was before the last teacher.
It's really horrible that he hasn't received any invites to parties, I really feel for you on that one. I think the main problem is if a child misbehaves in class they always go home and tell the parents, and the parents sometimes look past why this behaviour is occurring and tells them to avoid them. I know my mother was guilty of this and when I got old enough (about year 5) to understand things a lot better I was able to accept the kid for who they were and look past what my mum was seeing.
Is there any opportunity that the school can provide an aide for him? Someone to come in every so often just to help him out. Or could you even volunteer some time to go into the classroom to help out with reading, writing etc. and keep an eye on your son whether it be once a week or once a term? Just to see how he is interacting with others and observe his behaviour.
Good luck :)
Unfortunately every new school year means we have to start all over again: information/strategies aren't necessarily passed along, personality and ability of teachers plays a big part, creating an open trusting relationship between school and home, and always the follow up, asking for meetings, phone calls, emails, etc
Be mindful of kids peaks and troughs too. You can see some great improvement and then a plateau or even a backwards movement at times. Try to be patient, with your child, and with the school but you know intuitively if it's not working. I think if someone is labeling your child as naughty, then I'd be following up with the principal as to what supports they're putting in place, and if still no love, make the move.
Ask around, most mums of kids with ADHD, ASD, etc move their kids if their needs are not being met. My youngest son had 5 primary schools...
As your son has an official diagnosis, I'd imagine he has an IEP/ILP/PLP? And typically a minimum of one meeting per semester is conducted. I usually request a couple extra for my
sons, as there's always ongoing issues.
It's crap, but we have to fight for our children, you'll learn as you go, how to be the best advocate you can be, to meet the needs of your son. He's not 'naughty', no kid is 'naughty', their 'behavior' is communication, it's up to us, their parents/Carers/teachers/therapists to figure it out and help them!
Stand firm, tell your husband to pull his head in and support you, as you know what's best, as I'm assuming you're the primary Carer. Good luck xx