New neighbours moved into town and we were all instant friends. Kids the same age, everyone got along great. Dinners at each others houses every week, talked nearly every day, helped each other out with anything. Now suddenly she has pulled away. Contact every third or so day. No play dates. No dinners. I've asked what is wrong, explained why I'm concerned and she blew me off. I feel like I've lost my best friend and so have the kids. Its been 3 weeks now of this and I'm feeling like shit And pretty friendless.
7 Replies
It sounds like the honeymoon stage was over, it's all fun and games but they probably want some time to themselves. I've been there, done that. For the first few months we were constantly seeing everyone and now it's just here and there. Nothing against the people but we have our own lives to live and were sick of committing to others.
Contact every three days is a lot to me. I don't talk to my friends that much. Maybe she is just introverted and needs some space, it's nothing against you. I'm the same. I can't be around people too often, I need my alone time.
Perhaps you're reading too much into it, who knows what could be going on in her life. If she seems her usual self when she does contact you, I'd just let it go.
If it's still bothering you maybe you should just ask her point blank "have I done something to upset you?", there might have been an incident with the kids or something else, she may be a person that prefers to avoid addressing awkward issues.
Maybe she just needs her space.
I could not for the life of me spend that much time with anyone for a long period of time. Give them space. It's suffocating.
I see my best friend once every 12-18 months. Last year we jagged an extra visit so it was twice in that time. We talk for an hour every second weekend.
Even our friends that live in the same town, we see once a week for a few hours. The rest of the time myself, my partner and our son want some alone time to play happy families.
I think you both just have different ideas of friendship and contact and she's finally burst under the pressure. Under the same circumstances I'd be feeling enormous stress. Still be friendly, a wave and smile in the morning when you cross paths but give her some space for a few more weeks, don't mope around waiting either, get out and live.
I'm going to be honest here, you would be my worst nightmare. I love coming home, not having to socialise with anyone, stop and talk in the front yard, I would actually feel like my freedom had been taken away. My sister had neighbours that she liked with kids of similar age but every time the kids were in the backyard the others wanted to come over or hers wanted to go to theirs. When they drove up, neighbours kids came up etc. My sister liked the neighbours and would have a chat sometimes, but they both respected each other's needs and didn't allow kids over all the time, didn't live in each other's pockets and it worked well for them.
Try and sit down and talk about it.. & if she doesn't want to, then try and still be there for her.. other things maybe what's causing this distance.
I suffer from anxiety & some depression.. I tend to do this a lot to people I care about. I don't want to & don't mean to, but when things are down it's how I deal with it. Let her know she's important to you, her kids are important to you and your family & when she feels up to it again you'd love to have them for dinner.
There could be something more to it, but you should try and let her speak with you about it.