I have a question for all the parents with children that have a disability. My nearly 4yo daughter has begun to ask questions about children with physical disabilities that we see out and about. Mainly 'what is wrong with her/him?', I wanted to ask parents directly, what would you like the answer to be? I currently say 'nothing I am sure she/ he is a lovely little boy/girl' or 'her/his legs don't work properly so they have a special chair', but I would like suggestions as to what parents would like the answer to be, as I want my child to have an understanding of disabilities and how they impact on the child, but would like my answer to be respectful while also a proper explaination. Hope that makes sense.
5 Replies
Whilst my disability isn't visible, I'd like to chime in still.
I think telling them nothing is wrong is fine, however it isn't exactly truthful or an explanation. I'd tell them that nothing is actually wrong with them, however they are a little bit different in the way that they look. Say how it's fine to look different, because each and every person is different to the next. Explain how you have freckles and daddy doesn't, nanna has grey hair but you hair brown hair etc. and just relay it back to your child how the person they are seeing has (for example) different legs to them that don't work the same way their's or your's do. And that is it okay because it doesn't change who they are as a person. If they want more detail, be willing to explain. Sometimes people are just born different or sometimes they've hurt themselves and can't walk anymore. I'd honestly encourage them to make contact with that child because it'll make that other persons day. Even if you say hello to the other parent first just walking by so that they see you setting an example of accepting everyone.
My sister and I did this with the families we nannied for and when we were on outings the kids would approach other's at times and say "you're a little bit different and that's okay". And they'd play and have great fun. I know it being pointed out to them isn't always the best approach but the parents were always so thankful that the kid was accepting and said it was okay, and they truly appreciated their child having another to play with. It always led to more discussions to as you could find out details from that parent if they were open and you had a chat to them whilst the kids play. We could go back and tell them that such and such was that way because of ... We'd also encourage compliments rather than saying you're different (but kids do speak the very simplest thoughts sometimes) such as "I like your chair, how fast can you go".
We also offered a similar explanation for those who had intellectual disabilities, sometimes people are born different and sometimes they think a little bit differently too. And we each have our own thoughts so that's okay. You can tie your shoelace easily but they may not be able to because to them it doesn't make sense to them. Things like that.
Obviously everyone's approach is different however we found this worked very well and maintained a respectful approach and was a proper explanation.
My son has multiple disabilities and this is the approach we take with kids.
I'd like to see that in reverse. I'll take my child with a disability up to a group of non disabled children and explain to him that they're different, but that's ok, we accept them as they are ?
If someone came up to my son and said you're different but that's okay, he would be devastated, thank god it has never happened. Most kids come up to him and don't even notice his splints, it's more the adults that stare.
Kids just say the simplest of things and repeat a lot of the time what they've heard. Being different is okay, everyone's definitions of different vary too