Hi sisterhood
I'm feeling rather sad at the moment
A guy in my town added me on Facebook, very rarely do add people I don't know.
The last few weeks we really chatted A lot he added me in January
He called me everyday at least 4 times, came to my work , we started doing lots if things together, he asked me for advice on things, etc.
He asked me if I thought he dressed nice and personal things like that.
His fiance passed away in 2015 and his mother passed away last year sadly.
He said he wasn't ready for anything and I understood.
We went to dinner and movies the other night, and had fun, no sex.
The next day he comes out and says that he doesn't want a partner and doesn't see me in that sense only a friend or even a sister.
I was hurt, I actually developed feelings for him, friends saud yo me thay he wouldnt just ring anyone that many times a day
I've been hurt so much that I have a wall built around me.
So in fear of being terribly hurt I deleted him as a friend. Send him a beautiful message, that said he can still call me.
Few hours after he read it I send him a picture if daffy duck he loved daffy.
He flat out blocked me.
In fear if being hurt I lost a friend and someone that made me happy and laugh.
I think I've hurt him to
I don't know what to do, I was thinking if writing him a letter but not sure
Any advice for a brokenhearted woman
Friendship fail
Friendship fail
Posted in:
Life Lessons
10 Replies
Don't write him a letter. He is a bloke and if sending him a Daffy Duck freaked him out and got you blocked a letter will not improve the situation.
If you need to write, write it to yourself as a cathartic out, then burn it.
This is one of those life lessons. It's hard when blokes say that they don't want a relationship that's what they mean. What they do doesn't always match what they say, but you have to listen to what he says.
I had a friends with benefits who I developed feelings for. So yeah I had to cut him off because he'd been open and honest that he didn't feel the same.
You have to look after you and give yourself time and space to move past this. Do what you need to do, but don't involve him in it.
Oh and you have nothing to feel guilty about. You don't need to apologise to him. He used you to get through his problems then freaked out when you were invested.
The ball is in his court now, id just leave it. I think the romantic rejection hurt you and the friendship rejection hurt him. No one's to blame, these things happen sometimes when 2 people aren't on the same page.
He might come round, he might not but I think at this point just try and move forward.
Honestly it sounds you're in too deep and have developed too many feelings despite knowing he didn't want a relationship. I'd wait to see if he comes around and gets in contact, he may just need some time as he may had some feelings but been scared. He's obviously lost some very close figures to him so I imagine is scared of a relationship.
I think you need to respect his wishes to keep you away currently, writing him a letter after that makes it sound desperate and OTT.
Hmm I can see it from both sides...I don't really understand the need to delete him as a friend, it seems like to him you'd be saying either be my boyfriend or I don't want you in my life at all. So I do understand why he blocked you as it would seem you didn't appreciate simply being his friend instead of a romantic partner.
But at the same time that is your choice...you shouldn't feel bad for deleting someone if you feel the need...
It would be hard for both of you but in time I think the hurt will stop x
I deleted him because I didn't want to be hurt anymore
I've been hurt by so many that I'm a reclusive person so even letting him in was a big thing
It was a decission I have regretted since
He would call me at 2:30 in the morning to just tell me how many hours he got at work
It hurts so so much
I thought I could do the friend thing but wasn't sure
Personally I think distancing yourself is quite a normal thing to do. It sounds like he really over involved himself in your life quite quickly and without even knowing you. I can understand why you are hurt.
I just want to say, it's ok to feel hurt, and hurt passes. Everyone has put there heart on the line a few times and been rejected, so you are not alone in that.
It sounds like you have some unresolved issues though and maybe this is a great time to get some help for them. Your GP can refer you to appropriate services.
One thing I've had to learn is its ok to let people in my life, but I needed to learn who to let in and control how fast I let them in. Like you I would have found it so exciting to be rung and needed in the middle of the night. Now I know I have the skills to know that someone who lacks social skills, boundaries, is odd and to back away slowly because things aren't going to end well. It's hard to learn these things, it takes time and practice, the guys that come on strong and take up so much of your time very quickly are not keepers. I can guarantee you won't be the only person he has done this to. Now I know that someone who keeps showing up in my work place is creepy and annoying!
Yes, I agree, this guy leaned a little too much and most women would expect a relationship given the amount of contact. I think he sounds needy and a bit creepy too, I think you dodged a bullet. You deleted him for a reason, don't back down now.
This is exactly what I needed to hear, I figure if someone wants to be part if your life they make the effort and he did. Very quickly.
Before I deleted him I sent him a message saying telling him the truth in how I felt, and that I will always be there I also told him to pursue his dreams wasn't angry at all.
There was always a gut instinct I had that something wasn't right.
Your right I probably wasn't the first person he has done this to.
He payed for dinner and gold class on Saturday night so I guess I got a free feed and free movie. He even called it a special occasion
I was happy before I met him and I will be happy again
Thank you
It sounds like he was happy to use you for significant emotional support, but when you wanted something in return, as most would think it was moving that way, he wasn't willing to reciprocate. It's all life experience, I hope you feel better soon.
"He said he wasn't ready for anything and I understood"
Well no...you clearly didn't understand because he told you he wasn't ready for a relationship and now you're annoyed he just wants to be friends and you have basically told him no I don't want to be friends not even on Facebook? But wait I still want you to call me and listen to me because I sent you a picture of a cartoon?
I don't blame him for blocking you. I would have too. Life is too short for games like that.