This may end up long and please be gentle with how you respond cause I'm already in a fairly fragile place. I don't even know what I'm asking, maybe just after suggestions, kind words, motivation I don't know.
Since I had my son 4 years ago I have struggled so much. I had pnd with him and now I have hit an all time low. I'm in the process of changing over meds again but just feel so over everything.
On the outside my life looks so good, I have so many things that so many people would love to have yet I can't be happy. We've built a house, are young parents with two beautiful kids, both work full time and earning decent money, financially doing really well, have some amazing friends. But even with all that I am just not happy. I have no motivation to do anything, I either cannot sleep or just want to sleep for days on end, I'm not enjoying being around the kids at all (as a side note, they are still very well looked after, have healthy food, clean house, clean clothes, get to school/daycare on time, so the kids are not going without), I see no good in life. Most days I find myself just wishing I didn't have to be here any more, almost planning my way out even though I know that can't be an option because of the kids. But at the same time I just can't handle being here. I also have a history of eating disorders and am in 'recovery' and I seriously just fucking hate myself, I don't feel good about myself, want to lose weight again and don't ever see myself feeling good about myself. I feel so trapped in that, and just in life in general. I'm so tired of trying so hard every day just to get through, I just wish I didn't have to do it any more. I see my dr, social worker, dietician and psychologist regularly (at least one a week) so I am seeking help, but fuck how much can one person take. They're at the point now where I'm being told that inpatient treatment might be an option if I can't get my thoughts and mind in a better place. I've promised them I will call someone if I'm at the point of trying to end it. I just can't cope anymore and I'm at a loss of what to do. Thank you for everyone who bothered to read all the way through to the end ?
Can't handle life any more
Can't handle life any more
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Health & Wellbeing
7 Replies
Okay, I've read.
Your in a hard place. Super super hard.
Can I suggest a few things?
1. DONT LISTEN TO THE NEWS ! It puts mind. Body and soul in a bad place. To much negative. It effects me so much that I can't watch it.
2. start your day with ONE happy thought. This can be hard. So so hard. But one though like "my hair is stunning this morning!" Can set your mood on a positive light.
3. Go for a walk - as soon as you wake up. Take the kids! Make a game. I know it's hard - but only YOU CAN change YOU!! A walk will release endorphins and you get to spend time with the kids without them needing your full love and devotion, you just need to walk with them or push them in a pram, if they're older (you said 4 years ago after your son) I get them to practice balancing on the curb (I stand on the road to walk with them)
I KNOW mornings are busy and you lack motivation but after one week it will be more of a habit.
4. Look at your diet!! So many foods can leave us feeling "blah". Write down everything you eat for 2 days, then Do some reading on mind altering food. ((Turmeric is super good for this!!)) and a lot of people suggest reducing processed carbs ((like bread))
I saw that you don't like th way you look, and your recovering from food disorders - but some things are really important and I really hope your dietician hasn't told you to eat things that are "low fat" because they full of mind altering sugar!! Sugar highs and lows anyone..?!
Ultimately I want to tell you that YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOUR MAKING PROGRESS. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. YOUR CHILDREN LOVE YOU AND YOU THEM.
good luck!
Do you do anything "for you"? Do you go and get a massage, go and get your nails done, have you time? It sounds like everything at home is great but just not on the inside for you. Remember to take time out for yourself and spoil yourself every once in a while. I'd recommend looking into floating, it is so relaxing and you're in this little pod just in your own thoughts with music playing, it is so so nice. Sometimes as a mum you forget to do something that makes you happy.
I would personally take on board treating yourself at a facility if you are up for it. Maybe not as an inpatient, but as an outpatient. They offer classes and you can meet people with similar circumstances.
I'd also recommend seeing a naturopath and looking into different options for natural treatment (I still used my medication however they had great advice on other treatments). I did this and honestly the change was great. They have a holistic approach and work alongside you to achieve goals.
Listen to mindfulness meditation with Mark Williams, try exercise (even just a tiny walk in the park), write in a diary, read the secret and the magic by Rhonda Byrne, write on post it notes the things you like about yourself and plaster them around your room, in your wallet, in the car like a crazy person, to fill your cup up with self love. End everyday writing what you are thankful for. Try to treat yourself to time out and one on one time with your partner at least once a month. Good luck
All of this is the Depression talking.
As Jenny "The Bloggess" Lawson says, DEPRESSION IS A LYING BASTARD.
Don't listen to it, especially while you are sorting out meds. That's a dangerous and volatile time. It WILL be bright again. Hold tight. Don't make any big decisions while you are in the hole. Take one day, one step, one hour, one minute at a time.
Oh Hun I so understand how you feel. As much as you are surrounded by people who love you it feels like you're alone.
Please remember that your brain is playing tricks on you. Even though logically you know this it doesn't change how you feel. But I found out that I needed to get out of my own head. It's so hard but it's true.
Maybe being an impatient won't be a bad thing for a while. Just to help you adjust your brain.
One thing that I do sometimes when this happens is write it down and imagine that your child is saying that to you and what you would say to them. You would do anything to take that away and they will do that for you.
Will any of your friends go for a walk with you? You can talk about their lives and general events.
I hope that this helps.
Having 'stuff' is irrelevant. This isn't about happy or sad. You have depression, no matter how much we will ourselves to be 'happy' it won't happen. Sounds like you spend a lot of energy on maintaining your 'good life' and I get it, I often put on 'the mask' but fuck it's exhausting.
If I was you, I'd take time out from life, as in, take a break from all the responsibility and go to a private retreat/clinic, alternatively, take a holiday on us ? and spend some time in a public hospital unit. Think of it as a reset. We all need a reset every now and then. This too shall pass xx
The inpatient treatment sounds like a option like others have said, also look into self help teachers like Louise L Hay . Probable causes due to Louise's teachings:
Bulimia:
Hopeless terror, A frantic stuffing and purging of self-hatred
Affirmation( new thought pattern)
I am loved and nourished and supported by life itself. It is safe for me to be alive.
Anorexia:
Denying the self life. Extreme fear, self hatred and rejection
Affirmation (new thought pattern)
It is safe to be me. I am wonderful just as I am. I choose to live. I choose joy and self -acceptance.
Even more powerful if you can face yourself and say the affirmations out loud while looking in the mirror.
Make sure you are not deficient in Zinc, Magnesium and B Vitamins.
If you are open minded about God, Angels and Guides call on them. Ask them out loud for strength and to guide you to better health they will send the right people to you to heal and be happy again. If you are able to take time to meditate for 10-20 minutes a day when thoughts come up take your attention back to your breathing and do deep breaths. While meditating pray, this is how I have coped in life and have motivated myself to live a more fulfilling life