My sister started seeing a Man10 yrs her senior at Xmas time, she is 43.
From the get-go, I had a gut feeling about him and not of the good kind. Charismatic and seemingly financially successful, my sister said he makes her feel safe and secure and that she's so lucky to have met a man like him... all the while, he makes me feel like she and my family are being lied to. I had serious doubts regarding his grandiose, over the top success stories, including his vocational past (Barrister) various investment properties, (Sydney, Perth, New York) and shares in resorts in Hawaii and the Bahamas... as well as Sydney Pubs. Meanwhile, he doesn't have a fixed address and is staying with my sister at her apartment...not long back from living in New York, apparently. Me jealous? no, suspicious? yes. After a few weeks of exhausting amateur private detective work, I have uncovered quite a few untruths, including surprise, surprise, he's not a Barrister, nor was he ever a lawyer or solicitor, which makes his recent claim he's been representing a colleague in court total BS...didnt attend the universities he claims to have had, nor has he made a recent 5 million dollar pub purchase as he claims he has.
Con Man? maybe, pathological liar, most definitely!
Here's my dilemma, I want to tell her, so does our other sister and a mutual friend however my Mother doesn't want to....
What do I do? Approach him first? Tell her myself, stage a family style intervention, or perhaps, do nothing....
12 Replies
I'd tell her. She won't like it and will most like resent you for a while. I had a similar situation with my sister however she eventually left him and came to terms with it. She didn't leave him right away, it did take quite some time. She thought we were the ones lying and wanting to ruin her until she got the evidence she needed.
Tell her immediately, it's your sister, what she does with the information is her decision.
I'd tell her, but I'd be prepared for her not to be ready or receptive to what you say.
Domt approach him, approach her. Dont tell jer your investigative woek unless you have solod proof. They way I would do it is let her know you have a vibe, and encourage her to fact check for herself. Where is his house? His work? His old friends? His exes? She should be seeing this things in real life otherwise if hes living with her and is part of all that in her world, what kind of relationship is it? Encourage her to want to se ehis world, that its not ok to excuse it, its not materialistic to want to see it, its an important part od knowing someone and becoming intimate.
I'd be cautious but tell her.
If she doesn't believe you and tells him the happenings, he will probably draw her away from her family. So that's something you'd have to be prepared for.
I definitely think she deserves to know... maybe tread lightly though... don't tell her the whole thing, just one or two that you've uncovered... chances are if she has any suspicion about him AT ALL something as small as one white lie would be enough alarm bell for her
Most definitely, she needs to know. Just be prepared for her reaction, it likely won't be rational. Also keep in mind she may want to continue a relationship with him anyway so if it all blows up it could potentially make for awkward family gatherings (which I expect is what your mother is wanting to avoid by not telling her). Either way she needs to know to be able to make an informed decision about her relationship, even if other people dont agree with that decision.
It's a hard position for you to be in, best of luck!
Tell her, but go about it the right way and be prepared for fallout if she doesn't believe you. Or she may have had suspicions herself already but was trying to ignore, hearing from someone else might be the wake up call that she needs.
Either way I'd be telling her, would you rather sit back and let her potentially get very hurt by this man and have her upset at you because you knew something and didn't tell her? Or have her upset at him for lying and look to you for support because you had her back?
My sister is with a con artist total lying fuck wit. Many lies he has said. From shares to success in family business to mental Health and cancer and many conditions he sypppsedly has. He keeps knocking her up so she doesn't have to work and so he has tabs on her at all times. I also did back ground search of him and yep I'm pretty certained I'm sitting on the truth. BUT will she believe me. NO! Instead she caused a big blow out over how indont support her and won't listen to nothing inhave to say. So I've washed me hands and moved on stating ONE DAY you'll see the truth and by then I'll be gone and not want. Nothing to do with you. Was it hard. Yes esp when he told me secretly hat I'm never a family member to them. So telling her could BAck fire or it could also make her run for the hills. Hoping she does the latter. Good luck in telling her what you've found.
Get irrefutable paper proof of everything, sit down and show her.
Tell her anonymously and keep sending untill she believes it. Might take a while sign it as "an exe who has been hurt" if you have too
Yes, please tell her. I used to work at a drug and alcohol rehab where homeless (not rough sleepers but couch surfing) residents would go on dating websites and hook up with women to secure accommodation. It's so dangerous on so many levels to let someone you don't really know into your home. Tell her. Even if you're unpopular for a bit it'll be worth it!
I don't suppose it's this guy?
https://stopbrettjoseph.com
He is well known in his home town for being a dirty rat!