Hi sisterhood,
I don't even know where to start with this, but basically if really like to know if anyone has gone through domestic violence when children have been involved and made it through the other side? I was a victim of DV on Saturday night and have a daughter who is 4 and witnessed some of it. There is a lot of legal stuff I'm working my way through at the moment, but I don't have a support network near me. So just some encouragement as to leaving a DV relationship and some stories if any of you have gone through this.
thank you.
3 Replies
My sister left a DV relationship with kids a few years ago. It took a couple of times to stick. One of the things that made a huge difference was getting herself a mental health care plan so she had a neutral party to talk to.
She was also able to get some support through a DV support group.
Domestic violence support services are amazing! If you go to your local police station, they will be able to point you into the right direction. Or your local community health centre.
I left a DV relationship when my daughter was 8 months old. Literally in the middle of the night with the clothes on our back and some nappies. I was lucky enough to have support close by, but leaving is the most dangerous time. I suggest you do it quickly and quietly, If you haven't reported the incident, I recommend doing so, especially if he has left marks. Having an avo in place will help you more than you know. I know you're probably worried about what will happen to him, it took me a long time to report the violence because of how the consequences would affect him, but looking back, I was stupid. He didn't think of the consequences that his actions had on me long term. Years later I'm still scared of him, of men in general, of people that resemble him, of how his abuse affected my child when she was in the womb with heightened stress levels and outside of it (she noticably changed after I left, so she knew what was going on regardless of her age). Your partner didn't care your child witnessed it and how this may have impacted her future, so if that is something that ever comes into your mind, try to move past it. Reporting is the right thing to do.
Contact centrelink and as you have no support, local women's shelters. If you report the incident there is a dv liaison at most police stations who can help you with what you need. I would suggest reaching out to friends as well, I'm sure there would be many people concerned for your wellbeing and will offer temporary accommodation until you find something permanent.
Having an avo means you can skip the child support requirements at centrelink which means your contact with him is thankfully minimized. I would also suggest documenting this incident as well as any other things which might have come up, as dv usually builds from smaller incidents - name calling and put downs, pushing, flicking, threats, isolation from family/friends and so on.
Good luck, be safe, feel free to email me anytime at groupmovingforward@gmail.com